


The Ghost In My Room

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Break from reality, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Head Injury, M/M, Something Isn't Right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-08-20 19:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: After a traumatic car accident, Light and L's relationship just isn't the same. Light is missing memories and can't quite put his finger on what's wrong.





	1. Head Aches

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you enjoy this! It's going to be a little different from my first fic.

Light woke up with the same head ache he woke up with every morning. It throbbed between his eyes,  and made everything painful; light, noise, everything. His father had put him on a strict vitamin protocol, thinking that it was the overly sweet foods they served at Kira HQ  to blame. Surely it was all devoid of any nutrition and that's why Light felt crumby all the time. And while sure, that was probably part of it, Light had a sneaking suspicion that the other part of it was that car accident he and L got into a little over  2 month s ago.

With a pillow over his face to muffle his voice, “Please don't turn on the lights,  Ryuzaki ,” he pleaded.

“Wouldn't dream of it, Light kun ,” L said in his monotone way, the only noise between them the rattling of the chain. “You do need to get up, however.”

“I took Advil. Let it kick in first. Thirty minutes. That's all I need .”

Even though Light couldn't see it through his pillow, L nodded his head as he slid from the bed and opened his laptop. As he listened to quick fingers over a sticky keyboard, Light wondered how the hell Ryuzaki got out of that car wreck unscathed. Light had sustained multiple injuries, several of which were life threatening and one traumatic injury to his brain. When Light finally came to in the hospital, he'd already been there nearly a week. He'd lost a lot of his memories. But his left leg was shattered, kidney bruised, lung punctured, ribs broken, multiple lacerations…it was a wonder he made it out at all.

Healing was taking far too long, in his opinion, and he demanded getting right back to work on the Kira case despite his father's objections. It was good for Light to have something to focus on, however. It got his mind off the pain and kept him from trying to use his leg.  L moved them both to a room on the same level as  HQ offices so Light didn't have to concern himself with elevators or stairs. L made sure he had everything he needed, even going so far as to install a wheel chair accessible shower, with grip bars all along the walls so Light could move himself about freely and not require any assistance in the bathroom.

Light wondered if L felt like the accident was his fault or something. Why else go through all this trouble to accommodate him? Secretly Light hoped it was more than misplaced guilt. He hoped beyond hope that L actually had feelings for him. For Light, that would be the ultimate win. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like L had any feelings at all sometimes. Come to think of it, L seemed different since the wreck as well. Like the spark had gone out in his eyes. Perhaps he was just extra stressed or tired. He did hit the ground running as soon as they were released from the hospital. He barely took any time to heal at all.

Light threw the pillow from his face and opened his bleary eyes, “ Ryuzaki ,” he croaked, sounding as miserable as he felt, “ just kill me now.” The head aches were getting worse and the medicine seemed like it was steadily becoming less effective.

“As soon as I prove you're Kira I will,” L smirked into his computer screen, finding himself hilarious.

“Well hurry it up then,” Light grumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

L turned to Light and their eyes met. If Light didn't know better, he'd think there was actually concern written across L's face. “Does Light kun truly wish to die? Perhaps he's feeling a bit depressed after his long and traumatic hospital stay?”

“ That's an understatement,” Light sighed as he hoisted his sore body from the bed and pulled his wheel chair into position. “ Yes, I'm definitely depressed. But no, I don't really want to die.”

L knew better than to offer Light assistance. He'd been at the mercy of others so long that he could honestly no longer stand it. Light hoped to never be in this kind of position again, and L couldn't blame him. They were both prideful, independent, and relatively private people. So, L simply watched as Light lifted himself into the chair and situated his leg with a wince.  L didn't look back to his computer until Light was in the bathroom brushing his teeth.

Once they were both ready, L politely held the door open for Light to pass through. It was the only thing Light still allowed anyone to do for him, and mainly because it was practical. Light couldn't really get the door himself, not without great effort and a huge waste of time.  The walk to the office was a short one, and of course  Souichiro and  Matsuda were already working. They both  lived in the building.  Light’s whole family had moved in and taken over one of the suites. Matsuda was a bachelor, so it was easy for him to live nearly anywhere.  Aizawa , however, had a young family which took up much of his time so he never arrived before 8:30am. Same with Mogi, who lived across town. But he was planning on moving into HQ as soon as his lease was up.

“Good morning, Light. How are you feeling?”  Souichiro asked his son as he squeezed Light's shoulder gently.

“Head aches are getting worse but I'm ok otherwise.”

“Should you take the day off?” Matsuda asked.

“No, I'll be fine,” Light tried to smile but it looked more like a wince.

“Did you remember to take your vitamins?”

Light tried not to roll his eyes at his father, “Yes, I remembered,” he sighed.  It irritated him how overbearing his father was being about something so seemingly trivial.  Souichiro had even gone so far as to program alarms in his phone to remind him daily.  Light figured it was the one tiny bit of control his father had in an otherwise out of control time in his life. Nearly losing his son had greatly affected him, and Light knew that.  That's why he didn't mind humoring his dad about the vitamins.

Knowing Light would probably welcome the interruption, L commanded the room, “Kira killed half a dozen people last night. What's the latest report?” he turned to  Souichiro and Matsuda, who immediately handed him everything they'd been working on that morning.

Light’s mind felt like a fog lifted as he sipped the coffee  Watari handed him.  He loved watching L take charge and command his team. To be quite frank, it was a turn on.  In an attempt to distract his mind from its current train of thought, Light turned his eyes to his computer screen as it booted up. Really it was no use though,  because the tone L took with Matsuda as he chastised him for something stupid was so _ sexy _ . 

Light figured the day may as well already be wasted. There was no concentrating now. Not with L in the room, sitting so close to him that he could feel his warm breath on his shoulder.  _ Oh, what  _ _ I _ _ wouldn't give to lay you out on this desk right now.  _ Light cursed his broken leg, as though it were the reason he couldn't make a move.  _ No, Light. The reason you can't make a move is because he's not into you _ . But Light wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, because every once in a while he turned his head to find deep grey eyes piercing his soul, crying out to him. They wanted to ravage him, he could see it.  _ Damn.  _


	2. A Moment When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light fantasizes about L and it comes true...kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me enough to comment :D

The days wore on with failed leads and slow progress and L seemed tired to Light. More tired, at least.  Light was excited to start physical therapy and quickly graduated to a walker. There was no shortage of old man jokes from L, to which Light promised to kick L's ass as soon as he was healed. 

One night, Light  smiled that he’d had a particularly good day with no head aches and limited leg pain. He'd gained quite a bit of strength and balance and was determined to get into bed without the walker.  He took all of two steps toward the bed before losing balance and beginning to fall. Quickly, L reached out and caught him, eyes wide with worry.

Panicked, Light froze,  L's arms around him, holding him against his chest. They were so close they could feel each other's breath. Light couldn't help but look from L's eyes to his lips and back. And he swore L did the same.

“Are you ok?” L smelled of vanilla and sugar and coffee and Light almost forgot himself for a moment.

“Yes, thank you. Seems  I got ahead of myself.” 

L gulped, unsure what to do at this point. He took a step forward, lifting Light up and attempted to set him on the bed.  The moment was awkward, but both men would be lying to themselves if they didn't admit they liked the closeness of the other, the warmth. 

Light swore L pulled away from him with reluctance, but then again, maybe it was his own hopeless hopefulness making things up in his mind.  He attempted another thank you, and he could’ve swore L blushed a bit.  It took everything Light had not to reach up and pull L on top of him, falling against the bed and dissolving into the passion coursing through them. 

“Uh,  is Light kun sure he's ok?” L asked as he rubbed across his bottom lip with his thumb, leaning down to inspect Light a little closer.

Feeling flush, Light snapped out of his dirty daydream and looked up at L, mouth slightly agape, “Oh, yes. I'm fine.” Light gulped and squirmed a bit, attempting to redirect, “Guess  I should go to sleep then.”

L continued staring, seemingly inspecting Light as he crawled under the covers slowly.  Light’s pajama bottoms separated from his top as he leaned over the bed and L noticed his very large surgery scar for the first time.  Light buckled a little  to feel cold fingertips drag across his back. “L?”

L didn't even acknowledge the use of his real name.  “Sorry, Light kun,” L said as his hand fell away and he looked down at the floor a little sheepishly. “I hadn't notice the extent of your scarring before.”

“Oh,” Light was looking at L from over his shoulder, and without thinking, lifted his shirt up and pulled his pants a little lower on his hips for L to see. The thick discolored scar ran the width of his back from hip to hip, then up the left side of his spine and down his left thigh, stopping before the knee.

“It's quite…extensive,” L said, tempted to trace his fingers along it again.

Light could see the temptation on his face, “It’s ok. You can touch it,” Light wasn't sure what he was thinking or why he was on his knees upon the bed, nearly undressed before a very curious L.  When cold fingers began brushing along his spine,  his breath hitched and eyes closed.  _ Oh yes,  _ he thought. Light wanted those exploring hands to touch him everywhere, and the thought of it caused a growing hardness between his legs.

Uncaring  or perhaps hopeful his pants were baggy enough to hide his arousal, Light turned on his knees to face L. Lifting his shirt further up his chest, Light revealed a long scar right in the center of his chest. L hesitated, but reached out to touch that scar as well. 

It was then that Light took notice of the bulge in L's pants.  _ Oh my God! Is this turning him on?  _ Light attempted to avert his eyes, but L caught their stare.  Figuring the jig was up, L shrugged, “Light kun has a very beautiful body. I'm glad they were able to put it together again. ”

Light had absolutely no reply to that.  Complimenting L's body in that moment would seem contrite.  He simply stared nervously as L pulled away, tight lipped and frozen.  _ At least say thank you!  _ But even that seemed a stupid idea. Instead, and against his better judgement, Light grabbed L's receding hand and pulled it back to his chest. He let his shirt drape over the hand as he  let his shirt go and wrapped his long fingers around L's hair, pulling him forward.

Their mouths crashed together, both just as surprised as the other. Light pushed his lips against L, leaning forward to deepen the kiss, and to his surprise L pushed back. Light decided to give way, and one of his fantasies burst to life as L crawled  on top of Light as they kissed.  Light allowed his hands to roam over L's lithe body as he cradled Light, refusing to let up in his passion for Light's wanting mouth.

Closing his eyes, Light gave himself over to the feeling of L's warm body over him as his warm, wet mouth explored. As the moments passed, he noticed L felt less and less heavy upon him, less and less warm, less and less close. He reached for L and felt air. Suddenly he gasped and sat straight up in the bed, sweating profusely as he panted. _A dream? No way! _Light looked to his right and found L was sound asleep next to him, a rare sight indeed. _So none of it really happened? _Light threw the covers off his overheating body and with the aid of his walker, made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

“Light?!” a startled L called from the bedroom. When Light looked up from his place on the floor, L was standing in the doorway.

“I think I'm sick,”  Light tried to smile, but there was nothing endearing about hovering over a toilet of vomit.

“I'll call  Watari to bring you some medicine,” he said, turning away.

“ Ryuzaki ?”

“Yes?”

“Did we…when did I fall asleep?”

L smiled in a way that Light did not recognize, then slipped out of the bathroom to contact  Watari . “ Light kun does not remember?” the disembodied voice called from somewhere in the room, “You passed out the moment  I kissed you.”   



	3. I Don't Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets brave with L and it backfires a bit. Souichiro and Watari have a chat.

Souichiro lowered his delicate looking tea cup back to the saucer he held, feeling more at ease than he had a moment before. “Thank you for meeting me,” he said.

Watari shifted in his overstuffed dark leather chair and packed tobacco in his pipe, “Of course,” he replied.

“I'm very worried about Light.  Ever since the accident, he just doesn't seem well at all. His body is healing but it's almost as if his mind is getting worse.”

“ Yes, yes, I can see how you might feel that way,”  Watari puffed on his freshly lit pipe, “But I've known quite a few mad geniuses in my time,  and your son fits the profile. Perhaps this is just his process?  I always knew L to have some strange practices himself.”

Souichiro looked down as he shook his head, “But I've never known Light to behave this way.”

“ Yes, but you've also never had to endure your son overcoming a very traumatic car accident while working diligently to solve the worst case of mass murder in recorded history,”  Watari calmly pointed out.

Souichiro breathed deep. Perhaps the old man was right. Perhaps Light was simply coping and this would pass once the case was solved. Taking one more sip of tea before setting it aside, “When do Near and Mello arrive again?”

“ I n one week. From today, in fact.”

Souichiro nodded and stood, excusing himself. “Thank you again for meeting with me. I know this has been exceptionally hard for you.”

Watari merely nodded in acknowledgment but said nothing in return as the chief walked out of the room, gently closing the heavy cherry wood door behind him. Watari let out a long sigh as he sat alone in his study, wondering if he were right or wrong. Everything felt like such a mess and he wondered if that feeling would ever subside. If it could.

Souichiro waited patiently in silence for the elevator to come to a stop at the 4 th floor. The entire task force would be there working diligently, but if  Souichiro were being honest with himself, he was exhausted. His motivation was wearing thin and his desire to solve the case was trumped by his worry over his son.

As he stepped off the elevator he noticed his son in the office kitchen, leaning against his walker and the countertop for support.  Souichiro stopped and watched for a moment, listening to his son mumble to himself. He couldn't quite make out what was being said.  Souichiro cleared his throat loudly as he approached and Light startled, looking over his shoulder, “Oh, hi dad ,” he smiled brightly.

“You look well today, Light. Having a good day I see?” He smiled, noticing that Light looked the healthiest and clearest he had in weeks.

“Yes, actually. I also made a new connection in the case today. There's a print out on your desk.”

“ Oh wow,”  Souichiro smiled under his mustache, “You really seem to be getting back to your old self.”

“Thanks Dad!” Light turned to face him, leaning heavily on his walker for support, “L said the same thing! Maybe those vitamins are really starting to kick in.”

Souichiro's smile dropped and so did his heart, “L said, huh?” he mumbled to himself more than asked.

Light reached out and weakly patted his dad's arm, “I know you two don't really get along. I wish you did, for my sake.”

Souichiro sighed, hiding his deep sadness and disappointment , thinking he should've known better.  He prayed that his son would return  to him the moment this God forsaken case was over.  Turning around and heading  for his desk,  Souichiro shook off those feelings as he reached for Light’s print out. As he read over it, he felt more and more impressed. Light had not only identified the men who  had nearly killed his son in that car accident, but he traced them back to the  Yotsuba group and subsequently back to Kira. It seemed like these men were seriously bent on killing the members of the task force, but they were attempting to do so without Kira’s power in hopes that it wouldn't be tied to Kira.

The team assembled and worked out a strategy for arresting the men responsible for the crash. Then they decided to trap Kira once and for all.  Once Matt, Mello, and Near arrived to assist ,  Kira would be their captive and the case would be closed.

***

In his excitement,  Light felt wide awake and unable to sleep later that night. “Stay up with me, L.”

“ Wouldn’t it be you staying up with me since I'm the one who already stays up all night?”

Light rolled onto his back on the bed and sighed dramatically, “You know what I mean. I'm too excited to sleep.”

“I see,” L said as he glanced over his shoulder from his crouched position in his office chair. He sat before his computer but wasn't doing much work. Instead, his thumb pressed over his bottom lip as he peered over at Light.

“Come here and talk to me,”  Light said with a smile, hoping he could get something genuine from the detective. They'd slowly been getting 'friendlier with each other ever since the other night when L confessed to kissing Light and for some reason Light had short circuited from it and passed out. Neither of them understood that initial reaction, but it didn't happen again. And they even experimented a bit to see.   


L couldn't resist the open invitation to crawl on top of Light and lay his body over Light's while tangling his fingers in  auburn hair. “What do you want to talk about?”  He asked, lips so close to Light’s that he could feel them, though they did not kiss.

“I want to talk about us,” he whispered, running his hands down L's sides until he found the edge of his shirt, contemplating lifting it or just running his hands under it.

“ Why?” L asked as he tenderly kissed Light's mouth . Light reached for more but L pulled back, mischief in his smile.

“ Because I want to know where we’re going with this,” he huffed. Light didn't want to give  himself away to a man to simply be used and thrown away. He wanted,  _ needed,  _ to know if there was more. If they could be more.

L rolled his eyes, “Why can’t this just be fun with no expectations? ”

Light narrowed his eyes, “Because I don't work that way. ”

L laid his head on Light's chest in mock defeat and sighed heavily. He lifted his head and began kissing  Light’s exposed chest,  hop ing to deter him.

“L, I-,”

“Shut up. Don't say it,” L covered his mouth as he continued lathing Light in kisses .

Light pulled L's hand from his mouth and squeezed the cold, pale fingers, “Why not?”

“Because you'll expect me to say it back, and I can't.” L lifted his big empty eyes to Light and for the first time, Light thought he saw a flash of anger there.

Light paused, carefully mulling over his next words, “Is it because you're not ready or because you _ don't? _ ”

L debated on whether or not to tell the truth, but lying was always the easier thing to do.  Without even blinking, he said, “I do not love you, Light kun.”

The ache those words caused in Light's chest was immediate, and he didn't understand. “But you find me attractive. You want me. It's clearly written on your face. Are you really saying that will never evolve to more?”

“ I'm not saying anything because I don't want to talk about it. I would much prefer to _ do. _ ”

Light pushed L's chest until he was sitting up and then Light scooted out from under him, sitting up to face L, “ Well I don't. I told you I'm not like that.  I'm not going to exploit myself or my feelings for your physical gratification.”

L looked both surprised and put out.  He watched as Light removed himself from the bed and head slowly toward the door. “Where are you going?”

“ T he roof. I need some air.”

As L watched him go, he took a moment to regret his decision to remove the chain between them at night. Plopping onto his back, limbs spread eagle, he debated on whether or not to follow the fool outside.  As he reached for his worn out sneakers, he cursed himself for caring. 


	4. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light suffers a fall and hits his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter doesn't really go anywhere or explain anything, so I'm going to post Ch. 5 as well for ya! :D Also, I'm stoked as hell that I've got over 200 hits on this and almost 20 kudos. You guys are making my day.

The moon was full and cast an ethereal glow on the rooftop and the city below.  The night air was crisp and intoxicating. It was still early enough in the evening for Tokyo to be quite busy. As Light watched the people beneath him, he wondered what kind of night life trouble they would be getting into. It was Friday night, after all.

“It is quite a beautiful night, Light,” the all too familiar voice carried over from the door. 

Light hitched at the dropping of his usual suffix and thought he heard the faintest whisper of something in L's voice. Was it regret? Apology?

Light didn't turn around, he simply shifted with his hands in his pockets and mumbled something incoherent.  When he felt L's presence next to him, he froze and glanced at him in his peripheral vision. Not wanting to move or give up his pout , Light kicked at the roof ledge and scuffed his shoes.

“ Ok fine,” L sounded exacerbated, even though Light hadn't said a word, “I…. Care about you.”

“Nice try, asshole,” Light mumbled, looking up at the moon. Then, with frustration he turned to L, “You aren't obligated to love me you know!” 

L almost seemed startled, and for a moment didn't know what to say. “I think you're misunderstanding me,” he started, turning  empty grey eyes  to face Light, “I would love you if I could.”

Light threw his hands in the air, “What's that even supposed to mean?  'If you could’. Who can't love? Are you seriously trying to say you're incapable of love?”

L looked down at his feet then back to Light. Quietly, “Light, you're forgetting something very important.  Do you remember a discussion we had about 6 months ago?”

Light planted his face in his hands, “We've had a lot of conversations, L. Which one am I supposed to recall?”

“I can't tell you that. It was right before the accident,” L stepped toward Light and removed his hands from his face, “It's very important that you remember.”

“L, you know my memories from before the accident are… spotty at best.”

Their faces were close now,  inches away,  “Just try.”

Light closed his eyes and something about L's warm fingers around his and his hot breath against his face brought him back. It was cold outside; too cold to do anything fun. They had both had a fight earlier that day. What was it over? He was so angry with L. It seemed silly now that so much time had passed. But at the time, the fight they had was serious, and they both felt like they were coming to an impasse. Hot tears stung his face and he told his father he was too sick to work that day. Light had decided to stay in bed while L sipped hot cocoa by the fire.

L hated this feeling as much as Light did. He wanted to go to him but couldn't find the courage. Or maybe it was that he couldn't put his pride aside long enough to salvage their relationship. He knew it would be hard. He didn't know it would be_ this_ hard. With a dramatic sigh, L pulled himself to his feet and wandered into the bedroom, leaving his empty mug on the dresser as he entered.

Slowly, he made his way over to the Light shaped lump under the comforter and crawled in beside him. Light had fallen asleep but was now awoken by the rustling of the covers and movement of the mattress. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around L and groaned as he laid his head back down and closed his eyes.

“Light?” L whispered.

A grumbled response.

“I'm sorry.”

Light lifted his head. Did he really just hear those words?  Light smiled through half shut eyes, “I love you, L.”

“I love you too, Light.”

The dream faded away and Light found himself on the ground with a throbbing head ache and a nose bleed. L was nowhere in sight. He felt confused and the rooftop se eme d to be spinning.  He heard a familiar voice call to him, but it wasn't the one he desired.

“Sir! Are you ok? Sir!”

Light sat up and vomited, lifting his head to watch the shadowy figure approach.  _ Watari _ _ ?  _ Light couldn't figure out why he was there  and L was not. And why was he sick?  And that memory…L did love him! So why was he saying he didn't? L had a lot of explaining to do.

Firm, warm hands gripped him, “You shouldn't be out here by yourself.”

As  Watari lifted him up, he tried to mumble out that he wasn't alone, but that wasn't true. It would appear that L disappeared. Why?

“Where’s L?” he finally managed to slur.

Watari hesitated to answer, but finally settled on, “He's not here.”

_ He was just here!  _ Light’s thoughts were screaming at him that none of this made sense. Had L drugged him? Why would he do that? 

Watari managed to pile Light into an elevator. Light promptly crumpled to the floor.  With a sigh,  Watari pushed him against the wall, forcing his head up. The elevator lights were so bright, Light winced and thought he might vomit again.

Eventually the old man managed to get Light undressed and in bed with a pale for vomit and a bottle of water on the nightstand. Light had no idea what was going on, but he heard  Watari on the phone.

“Yes, yes. It would appear that he  hit his head when he fell . No, I don't believe he was intending to jump. I…yes,  I understand. He is your son, I wouldn't presume to overstep. As you wish,”  Watari ended the call and sighed.  Light figured out that  Watari had been speaking with his father . So he fell and h i t his head. Had L been the one to fetch  Watari ?

Light’s confused thoughts gave way to dreamless sleep soon enough. It would be noon before he woke again, still confused, smelling of vomit. He chugged the bottled water by his bedside and scanned the room for L, who was nowhere in sight. The was no evidence of his presence at all. His side of the bed was unruffled and his laptop closed on the desk. No cookie crumbs or empty cups strewn about.

Panic settled into his bones as he reached for his phone. Watari had kindly set it on the nightstand. He shot a text to L, 'What the hell?' and then followed it up with actual questions.  There was no immediate response, but he hadn't expected one. Light drug himself out of bed and into the shower, hoping the hot water would clear his mind.

While the steam and heat didn't offer up any answers, it did remind him of another hot memory. He and L were cerebrating something. The reason evaded him. But he wondered how the hell he’d ever forgotten that talented mouth and what it could do to his body. He groaned as his body reacted to the memories, his hardening cock wanting to relive it. The best he could do was use his hand, which paled terribly in comparison. 

As he brought himself to a less than amazing completion, he recalled how loved he felt and how much he loved L in return. The feeling grew, turning into a kind of tightness in his chest until he burst into tears. He didn't understand what was going on. He didn't understand why he felt this way or how he could have these memories when his relationship with L had seemingly just begun and wasn’t like this at all. The L he knew presently wasn't like the one in these memories. Were these memories at all? Had the accident changed L? It seemed he was left with nothing but more questions and confusion, and the only person who could bring him clarity was missing.


	5. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light goes to the Doctor for his head injury and his father decides to give him a rude awakening on the drive home

When Light stepped out of the shower and began to towel off, he noticed his phone light up. Hopeful it was L, he reached for it,  disappointed to see it was his father. The man was concerned, wanted to take Light back to the neurologist. With a sigh, he texted back an  ‘ ok ’ . The least he could do was humor the man. 

A  quiet knock  at his door indicated  Watari was checking on him. Light was dressed by this point so let him in.  Watari offered  food ,  aspirin, and coffee, to which Light thought  Watari might be the most amazing person alive.

“Are you feeling alright?” 

Light nodded as he took his medicine. With a gulp, “Thank you.”

“Your father wants to take you to your doctor today. He's been able to make an emergency appointment. I thought you should know.”

“Thank you,  Watari .”

The old man bowed and began letting himself out when Light asked about L.  If Light weren’t mistaken, the old man seemed to visibly cringe at the question. Perhaps it caught him off guard. With a heavy sigh, “He isn't here.”

Light wanted to press the issue. Wanted to ask why he wasn't there.  Watari had to know. He knew everything!  But something kept his mouth shut and he let it go. As  Watari made his exit, Light figured he'd find the truth out soon enough. He was livid with L for abandoning him on the roof last night.  It still wasn't clear to him what happened. All he knew for certain was that he clearly still wasn’t stable on his feet.

His phone lit up, pulling him from his thoughts.  It was his father, who was ready outside with the car. Light grabbed his wallet and hustled out, forgetting completely to take his vitamins. He'd never skipped them before , but surely it wouldn't hurt to miss one time.

Souichiro sighed more than smiled when he greeted his son. His worry poured off him, making the air thick within the car. Light offered a small “It'll be ok,” to his father, but Souichiro seemed impossible to placate. They just sat in heavy silence instead. The only time Souichiro broke the silence was to ask how his head felt.

“Better.  Watari gave me some medicine.”

The medical center was a large, dark brick building with tinted windows which housed several different medical practices. Father and son stood in continued silence in the elevator as it brought them to the third floor. As Souichiro signed them in, Light took a seat in the waiting room, glancing through the boring selection of magazines on the end tables.

Souichiro sat next to him and Light finally broke the ice as he clutched his phone, “Dad, I haven't heard from  Ryuzaki all day. And he ditched me on the roof last night.”

His father made a grumbling sound and turned slightly toward him, “ I'm not worried about  Ryuzaki right now. I'm worried about you.”

“I know,” Light said as he hung his head and checked his messages again.

It didn't take long for the doctor to see them. As soon as they were back,  Souichiro took control as he always did. “Doctor, I'm very concerned. He wandered out onto the roof last night and fell and hit his head. It knocked him out. On top of that, he's been hallucinating, losing time,  still hasn't regained his memories from before the accident…”

“Yes I have,” Light piped up. He blushed, realizing he didn't want to describe what he remembered to his father.

“Oh?” both the doctor and his father seemed interested.

“I, uh, remembered two things. ” Light looked from the floor to the two older men and back, “They're um…private memories.”

Souichiro blushed and looked away from Light. He knew his son was gay and had shared a relationship with L before the accident. That didn't mean he wanted the details. It was a shock to Souichiro when he first found out. He didn't expect his perfect son to be anything but straight. He still remembered how nervous Light seemed to tell them, how he'd confessed he felt like he was letting his father down somehow. That was quite a lesson to them both, and Souichiro proved his worth as a father then by being supportive. At least, he proved himself up until the accident. If he were being honest, he fell apart and didn't quite come back together. He knew he was being overbearing with Light, but he found he couldn't help himself.

The doctor flashed a little light in Light's eyes and  didn't seem too concerned about him hitting his head. He told him to download a “brain game” app to help with his cognitive functions. He also suggested modifying his diet just slightly to incorporate more “brain healthy” foods .

“Any changes to medication?” the doctor asked as he pushed his glasses up his face and peered closely at the list on his computer.

“I don't take anything except vitamins,” Light said, feeling confused.

“Oh, so did you stop the anti psychotic?” the doctor turned to him.

“What? I was never on a-“

“He still takes it,”  Souichiro spoke up, clearing his throat. He turned to Light, who was swiftly turning from confused to agitated, “Son, you started it in the hospital, but refused it if we didn't tell you it was a vitamin. I'm sorry to have lied to you. Hopefully you're aware enough now to continue it on your own volition.”

Light didn't believe what he was hearing! His father had basically drugged him!  “No I'm not going to take it! What do I need it for?”

“You don't seem to have a complete grasp of reality, Light. You keep… hallucinating and-“

Light cut his father off and rose to his feet, “What am I hallucinating?  I haven't imagined anything! Except maybe you being a good father. I want to leave. I'm done being here.”

Souichiro was shocked by his son’s disrespect, but did not correct him. He didn't feel angry either, just sadness.  He huffed a sigh of resignation and bid the doctor good day. It seemed he and Light had quite a bit to discuss  on their drive home.

“Where are we going?” Light asked when he realized they weren't heading back to HQ or home.

“ There's something I think you need to see,”  Souichiro said, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

At first Light thought they pulled into a park. There were many concrete walk ways, shady trees, and a large  pond complete with water foul.  He almost missed the head stones. Almost.

“Dad, why are we here?” Light asked as he stepped out of the car.  The place was somehow eerily familiar and yet strange to him.

“You'll see,”  Souichiro said a s he led Light down a path toward the pond. He stopped under a particularly beautiful , large apple tree with his hands in his pockets,  facing the head stone planted firmly in its roots.

Light joined him and looked down, horror spreading across his face like a slow venom. His mind reeled, flooded and foggy and unable to bridge the gap of dissonance screaming, throbbing in his ears. He clutched his hair as he collapsed to his knees. The name on the head stone read “Ryuzaki” with the date of death the same as their car accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I'm curious, how many of you saw that coming? XD I feel like it was obvious but everybody reads a story a little differently, I've learned.


	6. In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light basically freaks the fuck out. Twice. And for good reason. XD

“Light,”  Souichiro reached for his son but Light swatted his hand away.

“No!” He screamed, a madness overtaking his face . He clumsily stood, swaying on his feet and bent at the waist. “Get away from me! You're lying! This isn't true!”

Souichiro's heart shattered as he watched his son fall apart before him.  It was much like what happened in the hospital all those months ago when Light first learned of L's death. He couldn't handle the truth. It broke him. Shattered him then like it shattered him now. 

Taking a step forward, Souichiro grabbed Light's shirt and pulled him into his chest, squeezing him. Light sobbed into his father's shirt as realizations washed over him. L had never been there at all. He was a figment of Light's imagination. A broken way for his shattered mind to cope with something he couldn't cope with. L was gone. L was dead.

Finally, Light lifted red eyes to his father, “Dad, I need help,” he choked.

Souichiro simply nodded as he let his son go.  “ There's a special kind of therapist you can see. Some on e who specializes in this kind of reaction to trauma.”

Light rubbed his eyes and nodded his head. Questions were beginning to form, “Dad,  what is wrong with me? I feel like I'm remembering things, but it's in pieces. ”

Souichiro softened, “It's best if I show you, I think. When you're ready. ”

Light  gave him one last confused look before he followed his dad on shaky legs back up to the car .  Souichiro offered an arm for Light to hold onto as he didn't seem able to make the walk alone .  Momentarily, Light glanced back at the grave, thinking he'd like to return and place flowers there.  Maybe sit by L and read a book, talk to him. It felt silly but necessary. Yes, he would be back.

The drive home was relatively quiet except for the occasional gasps and hiccups from Light as he cried. By the time they'd reached HQ, he'd mostly dried his eyes. Souichiro had texted Watari in advance and he was waiting for him in his office. Watari disagreed completely with Souichiro's plan of action when it came to dealing with Light’s trauma, but he had no say in the matter. Light was not his son. No, his son was dead.

“I'm exhausted,” Light said as they entered the building and greeted  Watari , who offered them tea. “I think I'm going to lay down.”

Both  Watari and  Souichiro nodded, watching him slink off to his room. They both sighed and shared a look; there was much to discuss.  Watari led  Souichiro into his study and the door quietly closed behind them. 

Light didn't bother turning on the overhead lights when he walked in. He turned on the lamp on his nightstand instead, a head ache making its way from his temples to the base of his neck. He rubbed his forehead and sat on the bed.

“Oh, there you are,” the familiar voice resonated from behind him.

Light jumped up from the bed, staggering on his feet , “You're not real!” he shouted, pointing at the apparition accusingly. “I know the truth!”

“And what truth is that?” L asked as he made his way over to Light.

Light froze, trying impossibly to swallow as L stood not even an inch from his face. Light finally let out the breath he was holding, “You're dead,” he whispered.

L actually smiled a little, “Yes,” he replied, “But that doesn't mean I'm_ not_ _here_.”

Light’s breath hitched when L placed cool fingertips to his cheek.  Surely a hallucination wouldn't be this real, wouldn't _ feel  _ this real. “How is this happening?”

L shrugged, “ Honestly I have no fucking clue.”

Light laughed. In all likelihood Light knew he probably lost his mind somewhere along the way and that this truly was a _ very _ realistic hallucination. It didn't stop him from reaching out to L and wrapping his arms around him. The body pressed against him felt _ very _ real. The soft lips he kissed felt real to. The way he  tasted…

Light pulled back, a sudden  heart shattering  realization spreading across his face, “You can't love me because you’re dead,” Light whispered.

“Unfortunately,” L said, “But you remembered something, didn't you?  Remembered us?”

Light smiled but felt the sting of tears betraying him. He nodded his head, “Yes. I remembered several things.”

“Good,” L said as he brushed back a strand of misplaced hair from Light’s face, “You remember how much I loved you?”

“I think so. It comes in pieces . ”

“Give it time,” L smiled crookedly and Light’s heart melted. “ I'm here to help you remember, help you heal .”

Concern flashed across Light's face, “Then what? ”

“Then you won't need me anymore.”

Light didn't like the sound of that. Panic began to set in and he clung to L. “I'll always need you, L! You can't leave me.”

“I already have, Light.  I left you months ago. You just didn't know it.”

Light couldn't console himself. He wept openly into L's shoulder.  Now that be was remembering things, now that he knew the truth, it wouldn't be long before L disappeared from his life for good. The only solace he could give himself was the hope that his memories would once again be intact. L could live on that way.

Eventually Light found himself lying in bed next to L. They quietly stared at each other, Light realizing more and more  why L's eyes looked so empty.  There was no soul behind them.  They were just as dead as he was.

They held hands as Light gave way to sleep. He was too exhausted to fight it. The day had drained him in every way imaginable. He knew in the morning he would need to apologize to his father.  He also felt ready to be shown the things L said his father and  Watari held onto for him.  As he drifted off into a deep, sweet slumber, he wondered what those things might be and hoped they would jog precious memories.


	7. Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souichiro and Watari help Light remember his relationship with L.

The next morning Light learned that at least his investigation was real.  He had totally hallucinated L leading the team and interacting with its members, and even hallucinated that  Aizawa was still part of the team when he had left before L even died.  Light blushed at how crazy that must've made him seem to everyone else around him.  To help prevent another lapse into the insane, L  let Light in on a little secret. For some reason, L was confined to the bedroom and the levels above, including the roof. But he could not go  any lower.

“So you really were with me on the roof?”

“Yes,”

“What happened? Why did you leave?”

L seemed thoughtful, “Honestly, I'm not sure. One moment I was on the roof with you trying to get you to understand and the next thing  I knew, I was here and you were sitting on the bed. I think the problem is that I'm not allowed to jog your memories like that. You have to reach the conclusions on your own. I think that was a cosmic warning. I may not come back next time.”

Light didn't like the idea of that and decided not to press L with any questions from now on. While he desired to know what was going on and regain his past, he didn't want L taken from him again.

As Light walked out of the room to head to the office where his father, Matsuda, Mogi and  Watari were awaiting him, his phone buzzed. It was  Watari replying to an earlier text he had sent informing the old man he was ready. Of course,  Watari knew what that meant and made sure it was ok for his father to be there. Light swallowed; he still owed his father an apology.

It was agreed that they would cut the workday short so the 3 of them could retire to  Watari's study. Light had formerly patched things up with Souichiro by this time. Souichiro didn't hold any hard feelings. He knew what his son was going through was impossible hard. When they walked in, Light’s eyes were immediately drawn to the glass coffee table littered with pictures . They took seats side by side in dark leather chairs before Watari, nodding their silent greeting.

“I hope these will jog your memories,”  Watari said as he  motioned towards the array of pictures .

Shakily, Light reached for a photo at random, feeling overwhelmed by how many there were on the table. It was a picture of them at the beach, smiling with the ocean in the background. L was bright red over his entire body. Light began to laugh, “I think I remember this!” He tapped the picture with his other hand as he tried to summon forth his memories. “L got burnt to a crisp! He was so miserable. I remember rubbing aloe on him and feeling really bad for him.”

“Yes,”  Watari smiled. “Do you remember where you were or why you went there?”

Light shook his head, “No, but I feel like it’ll come eventually.” He set that picture down and picked up a small stack. In the top picture, it was his entire family, L, and  Watari . There was a large Christmas tree in the background and everyone was wearing an ugly sweater. “A Christmas  party ?” He flipped to the next one and immediately felt emotional. It was a sweet candid of he and L kissing under a small sprig of mistletoe someone had hung in the entryway to the kitchen. Looking up from the picture, Light blushed, “You guys knew about us, then?”

Watari and Souichiro exchanged looks before nodding at Light. “Everybody knew, son,” Souichiro said, “You and L didn’t want to hide your relationship once things became more serious between you.”

“Serious? How serious?” Light began to shake a little, panic setting in.

“You have to remember that for yourself. In time, we believe you will,” Souichiro offered.

Light began shaking even harder, struggling to keep the photographs still in his hands. He looked like he was about to explode where he stood.  Souichiro placed a gentle hand on Light's arm and tried to get him to sit down, “Light,  Watari and I have both spoken to specialists at length about your condition. The mind is a powerful thing. Sometimes it shuts out trauma or blocks out memories that are too difficult to deal with.”

Light took a deep breath and sat at his father’s suggestion. “Is that why you can’t just outright tell me anything? Because it’ll be too traumatic?” Both Souichiro and  Watari nodded. Light scooted to the edge of his seat and leaned over the coffee table. There were pictures of them traveling to all sorts of places. All over Europe, Australia, the United States. They looked _ happy.  _ They looked so in love.  “When did we find time to travel like this?”

“There were several stints of dead ends with the investigation, and we encouraged you both to go,”  Watari explained. “You’re only young once.”

Light smiled slightly at the old man, then thought about how much time it must have taken to take this many trips.  Shakily, “How long?”

“How long what?” Souichiro asked.

“How long am I missing?”

Watari cleared his throat, “About two years, maybe longer. You seem to have wiped your memories of your relationship with L entirely.”

“How long were we together?”

“I'm honestly not sure. You started out seeing each other in secret. Possibly 3 years.”

Overwhelmed, Light  rubbed his forehead as he tried to process. With a deep breath, he looked between both older men and said, “Tell me about us, please? Did we really love each  other  the way it appears we did in these pictures?”

“More,”  Watari spoke up, a sudden glimmer in his eye. “Light, you made L happier than I had ever seen him in his entire life. Absolutely nothing compares to what you gave him. I’m glad I finally get to thank you for that.”  Watari stopped to clear his throat, “I’ve never known him to love anything the way he loved you.”

For the first time, Light saw how utterly heartbroken  Watari was over losing L. The old man’s face seemed drawn, somehow thinner, tired. How did Light not notice this before? How could the despair in  Watari’s eyes have escaped his notice? Was  Watari just that good at hiding his emotions? It couldn’t be helped, Light stood and walked around the coffee table and hugged the old man tight. “Thank you. For everything.” Standing back from  Watari again, he gestured to the table, “Can I take these back to my room? I think that I’ve gone about as far as I can today. But I would like to have them to look over on my own, if that’s alright.”

“ Of course it is. I’ll box them up for you,”  Watari stood and reached for the shelf behind him and began systematically putting the pictures away. Souichiro and Light helped him, and for the first time Souichiro felt just a little less worried about his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! How 'serious' do you think our boys were about each other prior to the accident?


	8. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light has a revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some smut for you guys. haha!

L ran cold fingers through Light’s hair as he kissed him in greeting, “Welcome back. What’s with the box?” He tapped the top of the box with a finger, smiling. Light just smiled  back  as he set it on the dresser, glad they were alone in their room once again, the lights dim, long day over.

“Thanks.  They’re pictures of us ,” he said with a smile as his arms snaked around L's waist.

“ Nice. Did you remember anything ?”

Light saw a smile dancing in L's eyes. He almost looked alive, “A little bit. I learned that everyone knew about us, which is kind of embarrassing considering I forgot about us and then developed a crush on the L I created in my head. In front of everybody. While we were supposed to be working .”

L simply laughed.  “ I think it’s a sign y ou're getting better,” L smiled into the kiss that Light was giving. He pulled away and brushed Light’s pouty lips with his fingers, “I'm glad.”

“What I can’t wrap my head around is how we ever found time to travel so much,” Light said, but it was more of a question.

“To be honest, we thought we solved the case at one point and were able to do our own thing for almost a year,” he explained. “But Death Notes have a funny way of popping up at random. You can thank Misa  Amane for interrupting our European cruise.”

“L?” Light’s face took on a look of seriousness and L stroked his arms as he gave him his attention. “When you finally do leave me, will it be forever? Will I ever see you again?”

L looked lost in thought for a moment, “I won't be tangible to you, no. Not while you're alive. ”

Light tried to hide his disappointment, “But after I die?”

“I don't know,” L admitted quietly. “I'm stuck here haunting you until you've recovered so I haven't actually been to 'the other side’.”

Light laughed at his description of the afterlife.  He sighed and figured it was time for bed. He pulled away from L and grabbed his fingers as he walked them both to the bed. “L, what do you do when I sleep?”

“ Watch over you,” he whispered it so softly that it was almost lost to the  air around them.

Light smiled at that, “I hope you always watch over me.” As he laid his head on his pillows and nestled under the blankets, he pulled L to him. It always surprised him how real he felt. For a hallucination or a ghost or whatever the hell he was, he sure felt fucking _ real.  _ “Is it weird that I…” Light looked away from L, a little embarrassed and unsure of himself.

L knew what he was getting at, “Not at all,” L rolled on top of Light, straddling him, “Maybe making love to the ghost of your former  lover will jog a memory.”

“Somehow, the way you put it is definitely not a turn on.”

L laughed at Light and  reached under his shirt, rolling his nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Light arched his back beneath L, mouth agape but not a sound escaped him. The sensation was electrifying and Light had no idea he even liked his nipples touched like that .

Finally getting a hold of his senses, Light let out a breathless moan, “Holy crap, L! That feels amazing!”

“It's almost like I know your body, huh?” L teased, shedding clothing and giving Light a look suggesting he do the same. 

Light wondered what other surprises he was in for as well as how the hell he could have ever forgotten any of this.  It baffled his mind in more ways than one.  L was quick to prep  himself and Light and he gasped when L sat on his cock and began to move. The intensity caused Light to scream a little , and L simply laughed at him from his perch. 

“I'm guessing by the twisted look on your face you're enjoying yourself?” L asked, smug smile creeping up the corners of his lips.

“Yes!” Light gasped. There was no way this was a hallucination. It had to be real. This was utter insanity, Light  thought as he grabbed L's hips and forced him down as he thrust up. It was his turn to pull a scream from L. 

If L weren't really there, Light wondered how it would be possible to elicit these reactions from L. It couldn't possibly all be in his head, there was no way. Right? Nobody had hallucinations _ this _ detailed or this intense. He also wondered how it could be possible for him to feel such intense pleasure from a hallucination. Wet dreams weren't even this good.

When L reached behind him and squeezed Light's balls, he decided in that moment to give himself over to the pleasure at hand and stop worrying about it.  He felt an electric pulse scream through his body, his mind awash with hormones. He couldn't think critically if he wanted to any longer. No, all he could do was lose himself to the amazing way L fucked him.

He began stroking L's cock and they rocked together, frantic breath ing, moaning as they approached climax together.  Light felt an intense desire to bite L, but he couldn't reach him. Instead, he wrapped his free hand around L's neck and started to squeeze.

“Ah! More!” L choked out as his frantic thrusts gained more power and speed. He lifted his chin and closed his eyes as Light tightened his grip . Something about choking L felt so right to him. Something about inflicting pain, violence upon him brought him even closer to the edge. He wanted to see bruises all over that perfect porcelain skin. 

The image that br oug ht to his mind caused him to snap, going rigid as he burst inside L, who was quick to follow. L's release shot onto Light’s face, and L laughed as Light released his grip and wiped the come off his lips. He licked them, the salty goo  reminding him of something. An image flashed before him and he saw bruises and cuts down L's back as he fucked him violently into the floor.

A shock of realization ran through him, “Holy shit L , I'm Kira.”

L hadn't gotten off Light yet. He sat there, Light still inside him as he stared down at a totally fucked looking Light, “Yes.”

“I don't understand,”  Light rubbed his forehead, trying to make sense of it all.

“You gave up the power and your memories. We had planned on pinning Kira on someone else.” L explained as he dismounted and headed to the bathroom in search of something to clean them both up with. “But they somehow figured out our plan and attempted to have us killed.”

Light caught the towel L threw him, “They were somewhat successful.”

“No,” L said, climbing back onto the bed, “I'm not important. The fact that you lived is everything.  When you finally take them down, you'll get your power back and kill them all.”

Light shivered at the evil glow in L's  otherwise hollow eyes. So, they were in it together, it seemed. “ Did  I give up Kira to be with you?”

“No. You did it to evade capture. We were going to be Kira together once the case was closed and you were in the clear. We had everything planned out,” L sighed and looked down, spreading his hands across the sheets, “I don't know how much  I can tell you.  You could hack my computer and find out for yourself. Everything is on there.”

“Can’t you just tell me your passwords?”

L smiled deviously, “What would be  the fun in that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, looks like Light is finally figuring out who he really is! Comment and tell me what you think!


	9. Heirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light meets the three heirs and gets more than he bargained for.

It didn't take much for Light to access everything in L's computer and he secretly wondered if L left it like that on purpose.  He was flattered when he discovered L had purchased a stunning old manor nestled in the mountains  of France. It was secluded and private and the perfect place for them to be together and rule the world as Kira. He had hired contractors to renovate but they stopped construction after L died. He reached out to them, asking them to finish the work. France sounded good to Light. It sounded like a place he could start over.

“Some married couples plan families. We planned world domination,” Light said, amusing himself as he opened a document containing lists of people to kill in a strategic order according to their plan to ascend in power.

“Is that what you want, Light?” L asked, leaning over Light's shoulder. A curious look was plastered to his face as his thumb rubbed his lower lip.

Light hesitated, “I- I did, at one time, yes. I always thought  I would have a family. I guess that changed when I became Kira.”

“You can choose, you know,” L said, taking a seat on the crowded desk.

Light looked at him as though he never considered having a choice. 

“Light, if you want to settle down in France and have a family, do it ,” L encouraged, “Follow your heart.”

Light smiled at him and placed his hand over L's, “Can I think about it?” Light loved how much L cared about him and wanted to honor L in any way he could. He'd thought that becoming Kira again and going through with their plans was the way to do it. But maybe not. Maybe moving on with his life, healing, and being happy was the way to go. It was a lot to think about. “For a ghost who can't love, you sure care a lot about me,” Light smirked.

“I do. But it's more like I have a mission to help you and that's it.  Maybe if there's an afterlife where we’re together  I can love you then,” L cast his eyes over their darkened bedroom and rubbed his  arm .

“That would be amazing. I hope there is,” Light smiled, squeezing L's hand. Turning back to the computer, Light clicked back to a page regarding their work as Kira. “It looks like I could fabricate enough evidence to have Higuchi convicted.”

“Be careful, Light. If you get caught doing that not only does the bastard who killed me go free but you go to prison,” L warned.

Light gave a nervous laugh and looked up at the dead detective, “I uh, was planning on making sure it looked like you did it all before you died, actually.”

“You truly are evil, Light.”

“Thanks,” Light smiled up at him as he typed away. Changing the subject just slightly, “So, your heirs are due to arrive here any day.”

“ So I heard,” L said, almost an  annoyed tone to his voice.

“You don’t sound glad. Should I be worried about them?”

“No, they’re on your side. For now. They’ll be an excellent help with bringing down  Yotsuba . Just make sure you get a hold of the notebook before they do if you want your powers back,” L said. He had explained to Light where his powers as Kira came from and how he needed to kill Higuchi to obtain those powers again the night before. L didn’t wind up disappearing that time so he figured anything that had to do with the case was fair game to talk about.

Light’s phone dinged in his pocket, a text from Watari, “Looks like they’re already here,” he said with a shrug. “Well, looks like I have to go downstairs and introduce myself.”

As Light made his way down, L stared worriedly at the door. What Light didn’t remember is that he’d actually met Matt, Mello and Near before. Would seeing them again jog his memories? Would they fuck up and tell him things he wasn’t yet ready to hear? Surely Souichiro and  Watari were exceptionally clear that they could not, under any circumstances, force Light to remember the events of his past.  _ Especially  _ not the things they were privy to. It was all too heavy, L thought. And too soon. Light had been doing really well lately and couldn’t afford a setback.

Down in the HQ office, Light walked with the slightest of limps through the doors and smiled brightly. Upon seeing the three unusual looking heirs, Light had the strangest feeling of DeJa'Vu. “Have we met before?” He asked, narrowing his eyes as he greeted the trio.

They all three exchanged astonished looks. Mello was the first to speak. With a slap to Light’s shoulder that knocked him off balance more than it should’ve, he lit up, “Hey!  So you really are recovering!” With a laugh, “Do you know where you met us?”

Light chuckled shyly to himself, “No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

“Ah, it’ll come to  ya , I’m sure.” Mello spoke in fast, heavily accented English that Light struggled slightly to follow. He’d have to get used to this Mello  character, he was a bit intense, Light thought.

Near didn’t say much, he just seemed quite observant. Matt never took his eyes off Mello, making Light think that if they weren’t an item, Matt sure wanted that to change. But he was quiet otherwise as well. It seemed loud mouthed, blonde haired, flamboyant Mello was the unofficial leader of the group. Light hoped he had some skills to depart besides speaking loud, fast English.

It didn’t take long to the briefing to give Light a head ache. Whether it was the monotony of going over the case again, or Mello’s annoying way of speaking, Light didn’t know. Even with medicine, he couldn’t seem to subdue the throbbing in his head and finally asked to be excused.  Watari and Souichiro nodded silently as he was dismissed, Mello giving an obnoxious, “Get well soon!” as he waved Light off. 

As he made his way to the elevator, Light decided he certainly wasn’t upset about not remembering Mello. When he opened the door, L was nowhere to be found. He called for him, checked the bathroom and even the closet. Shaking his head and thinking that rather stupid, he thought the only other place L could possibly be was the roof. Light felt like he needed to lie down, but he didn’t want to go without saying that he vaguely remembered the three heirs.

His guess about the roof was correct. L looked beautiful with the moonlight reflecting off his perfect, pale face. “Hey, what are you doing up here?”

“Oh, you’re finished early,” L said, hopping down from the ledge and making his way over to Light. “I come up here to think while you’re at work sometimes.”

“Yeah, I developed a gnarly head ache, compliments of that yellow haired heir of yours,” Light said.

L frowned, “Yeah, he’s a lot to take in. Are you feeling any better?”

Light wrapped his arms around L, “Not really. I was going to lay down. Want to join me?”

L smiled.  Of course he did. As they made their way down, neither noticed the additional warm body that had snuck onto the roof to spy on them. Without making a sound,  Near rounded the corner of the door, leaning in to hear the one sided conversation as Light made his way down the stairs again. He had suspected that Light  Yagami was not as sane as he presented himself to be, and with the help of the camera on his cell phone, he now had undeniable proof. It was imperative the rest of the team see this. They needed to know the head of the investigation was unstable and needed to be removed from it immeidately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, oh! Trouble in paradise. What are we going to do if they lock up Light and throw away the key?


	10. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Near shows Souichiro and Watari disturbing footage. A decision is made. Watari makes a discovery.

“You wanted to meet with us in private?” Watari asked as he and Souichiro took their respective seats in the study. Near crouched on the floor, seeming uneasy as Watari poured he and Souichiro a scotch. Watari knew that look on Near’s face; this would not be a fun conversation.

“I witnessed something and wanted to bring it to your attention first because it's a sensitive  matter,” Near said as he pulled his phone from his pocket and stood,  pressing play on a video before passing the phone to the two older men.

Souichiro held it between them, a look of horror slowly overcoming his face as he watched on, speechless. When the video ended, he simply let go of the phone and sat, leaving  Watari to hand it back to Near.

“It would appear he thinks he's with L, ” Near explained, reluctant to bring up the noises he'd heard  through Light's door that night.

“What do I do? I can't believe this. He's been doing so well,”  Souichiro placed his head in his hands as he slowly shook his head back and forth.

Watari cleared his throat, “ If I may, sir. I think it may be time to institutionalize him.”

“Are we _ that _ desperate?”  Souichiro looked up at the old man, who nodded. With a heavy sigh, “Bring him in. Might as well get it over with .”

Watari called for Light, who didn't take long to oblige. In the five minutes it took Light to arrive,  Souichiro felt an eternity pass through him. This was it, he thought. Today he lost his son too.

“You wanted to see me?”  He looked around the room and it didn't take Light long to deduce that something was terribly wrong. “ What is it?”

It was with great reluctance they showed him the video. Light covered his mouth,  mortified by what he saw. He was partially relieved when it seemed Near didn't record him having sex with an invisible L.

“ This-“ he started to defend himself but  stopped. Dropping his head and hands, he admitted, “ No, this is exactly what it looks like. I- I need help.”

“Help is on the way, son,”  Watari said as  Souichiro gave Light an apologetic look.

A shock of fear shot through Light, “Wait, what?”

“ An ambulance is on its way-“

“Are you serious right now?!” Light took a step back, feeling an intense need to flee. “I need therapy and medication! Not to be taken away!” He turned to his father, desperate, “Dad!”

“This was the only way, son.” Souichiro sounded so distant, and he didn't move from where he sat.

“Please, Light. This doesn't need to be difficult,”  Watari attempted. 

Near had been quiet the entire time, hoping to go undetected. Light set his sights on Near, however, “You!” He shouted as he lunged at Near,  grabbing at his throat to try and strangle him. Near attempted to dodge Light’s attack, but he couldn't fully move out of the way in time. Light pin n ed him to the floor and began punching him in the face over and over again.

Souichiro was attempting to pull Light off of Near when the EMT's showed up and  injected him with a sedative. Light immediately let go of Near and rolled back on his haunches before collapsing, muttering L's name over and over again. He was barely conscious when they strapped him to a gurney and brought him outside.

Souichiro followed the ambulance in his car, accompanied by  Watari . He was beside himself, continually apologizing to  Watari for Light's behavior. A couple EMT's had stayed behind to clean up  Near’s face. It was a bloody mess, but the kid was stoic and didn't say anything about it.

Light would wake up several hours later in a haze, cuffed to his bed, feeling weak and confused.  He asked where he was several times, eventually calling for L. At the threat of being knocked out again he finally stopped.

It could've been the aftereffects of the medication, or perhaps Light simply understood the magnitude of his situation, but the tears flowed. One kind hearted nurse wheeled a food cart in. “It might make you feel better to eat something, Sugar,” she smiled. “If you promise to be nice, I'll take your hands out of those cuffs.”

At first Light just glared at her, then he realized she was genuinely trying to be  kind. “ I'll be nice,” Light finally said.

He rubbed each of his wrists as she placed a bottle of water, tiny cup of peanut butter and Graham crackers on his little table that hovered over the bed. “Dinner will be served in a few hours,” she said as she packed up and began to push her cart out. “But if you need me, just push that little red button.”

“Thank you,” Light said. For a moment he just looked at the measly snack, but decided the nurse was probably right. Once he’d finished it, he fell back asleep until dinner. 

***

Back at HQ, Watari reviewed the footage Near took multiple times on his large monitor. He replayed a specific scene over and over again, unable to quite grasp it.  There was a moment where Light’s hair was slightly ruffled, but not in the way a breeze might ruffle hair. There was also no breeze to speak of, because the sparse litter on the roof did not move a bit when it happened. Neither did Light’s clothing. He zoomed in as much as possible and watched again. Removing his glasses, Watari rubbed his sore eyes. Surely, they deceived him. “One last time,” he grumbled to himself as he pressed play.

Getting up from his chair, Watari made the long trek to Light’s room. After inserting his master key card and gaining entry, he flipped on the light and glanced around. Stepping inside, he let out a long sigh, “I cannot believe I'm about to say this, but L, if you're here, give me a sign, I guess.”

No sooner had he said the words did a candle fly across the room and smash into the mirror hanging above the dresser. “Well, I'll be,” Watari said, slightly shocked. “Can you be a bit_ less_ destructive when you communicate, L?” 

A dry erase marker seemingly uncapped itself and began writing where the mirror wasn't shattered. “ Where's Light?”

“He's been hospitalized,”  Watari spoke as though he were unruffled, but really, he needed a drink. “ And apparently I should be too,” he commented under his breath.

The marker was erased and replaced with “WTF ”. 

“Watch your mouth, son,” Watari said. “What were we supposed to do, L? We have video of him talking to himself, acting insane.” Watari stopped a moment, “Well, that's what it seemed like, at least. So it appears he can see and touch you but the rest of us can't?”

“Correct” was written on the board.

“ Hm , well, seems we've made a grave error. Problem is I'm not sure it'll be easy to get him out,”  Watari admitted.

“ Get him out or I'll haunt EVERYBODY!”

“Yes, sir,” Watari said with a small bow. “Once he's back we’re having a rather long discussion, L.”

“Can't wait.” 

Watari rolled his eyes, knowing that last bit was sarcastic. As he cut the light off and locked the door, he wondered how the_ hell_ he was going to tell Souichiro all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Light! He can't win for losing.


	11. Fading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without Light there, L is disappearing. Can Souichiro get his son out of the hospital in time?

It didn't take Light long to start thinking_ this is bullshit _as he remained confined to his room except when escorted to mandatory therapy. There was little to do but watch TV, and nothing interesting was on either. When he slept, he dreamed of L and wondered if memories were mixing with fantasy because some of the dreams just seemed so damn_ real. _Of course, he didn't tell the staff, doctors, or therapist this. He simply took his medicine, which knocked him out, and explained that he was no longer having the hallucinations, which was true. L was practically confined to his room at HQ, so it wasn't a lie to say he no longer saw him.

The therapist wanted to keep him for observation but removed the restraint order as Light no longer seemed to be a threat to himself or others. Light was thankful for that, but he still couldn't leave his room. The door was alarmed.  It was a nice reprieve when his family visited, though he could tell his parents were visibly upset and that his mother had been crying.

“This place is already helping me,” Light lied, “I think the medication and therapy is helping. They just want to keep me for observation.” He turned to his father, “Is Near alright?”

“His nose and left eye socket are broken, but he'll live. He said he doesn't blame you, just wants you to get better.”

Light nodded slowly, no smile this time.  His parents ate dinner with him, the hospital food not being too terrible to stomach. Afterward, they left, his mother giving him a lingering hug and kiss, her eyes still red rimmed from crying.

As he watched them leave, he huffed as he laid back against his pillow.  It was dark out and soon would be time for his evening medication. At this point, drifting off into a dreamy haze was the highlight of his pathetic life.  It embarrassed him to no end to be here, and he hoped everyone who knew about it would use discretion. He certainly didn't want this getting out.

After happily taking his evening dose, Light snuggled down into the non-descript white sheets and pillow and closed his eyes. There was nothing better than going to the place he could be with the one he loved most, free of worry or embarrassment. L's warm embrace met him in that quiet, secret place he loved so much. That place where they made love without interruption, and never tired.

***

The separation was driving L insane. Apparently, in order to remain tangible to Light, he needed consistent contact with him. Without him there, L had moments where he was transparent, nearly disappearing entirely. If Light didn't come home soon, he feared he'd fade away into nothing. It was a terrifying thought. He paced the room, staring down at his cellophane feet. It was strange, being able to see the floor beneath your feet. His attention was pulled to the door when he heard the familiar beep of it unlocking. Watari and Souichiro both stepped through, Watari showing the shattered glass of the mirror to him.

Walking toward the bed,  Watari placed a dry erase board and marker on the bed. “L, if you're still here, please say something.”

Souichiro gasped when the marker began writing “ Where’s Light? I'm fading without him.”

“Fading?”  Watari said, alarm in his voice.  Souichiro was still too shocked to mutter a word. “He's under mandatory observation until tomorrow. Can you hang on until then?”

“Don't know” the marker squeaked out.

“Oh, this is no good,”  Watari turned to  Souichiro , “Is there any way to override this decision? As you can see, your son is not insane.”

Souichiro was pale and had broken into a cold sweat, “I'm not sure if I'm sane anymore, myself.”

The board lifted into the air with a new message “I really need you to accept this new reality so that I can remain in my current one” .

Nodding slightly, Souichiro cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “I'll call them right away. Hopefully we can bring Light home today.” Stepping out of the room as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, Souichiro disappeared into the hallway.

“If I disappear, I want you to tell him about us” the board read.

“ Everything?”  Watari asked.

“ _ Everything”  _

Watari nodded. It was a big ask and could have a negative effect on Light, but he would do as L asked if it came down to it. He just hoped the whole truth didn’t permanently break Light. He was already in such a fragile state and going through the ringer in the hospital, he was sure. As  Watari bowed out and left, he hoped  Souichiro could get his son out of the hospital and back to HQ to prevent L from leaving them. Maybe it was selfish, but  Watari had spent countless nights wishing he could speak to his son just one more time, and now that opportunity was actually upon him. He didn’t want to give it up. 

Back at the hospital,  Souichiro had  _ some  _ luck. He was able to get the observation lifted, but processing Light’s  discharge was  taking an eternity. They couldn't decide if the hospital staff simply hated them or if they were always this slow.  Light didn't care, he was thrilled to be getting out.  His father and  Watari had decided not to tell him about L until they were back at HQ.

It was nearly midnight by the time they were discharged and heading home. Light rifled through the plastic bag containing his clothes and pulled out his cell phone. He flipped through his copies of his favorite pictures from the ones Watari had given him. He'd looked through them a million times, always finding they brought such great comfort. Usually he focused on L's face, cherishing that rare smile or laughing at the surprised look on his face at whatever caught him off guard. Maybe because of his focus on L's face, he missed an important detail in one of the pictures. Clicking on it, he expanded the photo with his thumb and index finger as much as possible. _This can't be right, _he thought. 

The car pulling into the parking deck knocked Light from his thoughts and he pocketed his phone as he got out of the car.  The look on his face must've seemed alarmed, because  Souichiro placed a hand on his shoulder, “I'm sorry, son.”

“Huh? Oh. Don't worry about it. I understand why you did it.” Light tried to smile, tried to hide his bothered feeling.

“We need to discuss L with you,”  Watari said, “Shall we sit in the study?”

“L? Why?”

“Why don’t we speak in his room. It’s private enough,”  Souichiro suggested.

“Very well.”

The three men made their silent way up in the elevator, Light wondering what the hell was going on. The tension was thick, and he wondered what they weren't telling him. He focused on his breathing as they exited the elevator and approached his room. It was shocking to see the state of things. Shattered glass was everywhere.

“I will have this cleaned,  but I felt it was important for you to see it first.”  Watari explained

“Why?”

“Because L did this,”  Watari said. Light looked between the old man and his father.  Souichiro simply nodded silently.

“So, he really _ is _ here,” Light said under his breath. He'd seriously doubted himself, feeling that perhaps he was mad after all.  “You've seen him?”

“No. He communicated using this dry erase board and marker,”  Watari explained.

“Well, he's not here now,” Light said, feeling a sort of  sadness come over him as he looked around the room . “ I don't feel him anymore.”

“Light,” Souichiro started, “There's something we need you to know. L told us that without you here, he was fading. We attempted to get you back here as soon as possible, but we're afraid we may be too late by what you're saying.”

“L, if you're here, please show yourself to Light or write something,”  Watari said to the air,  dismay lacing his voice.

Nothing happened. The three men looked between each other for a while. Light thought to check the roof but his gut told him L wouldn't be there.  “He’s gone, isn't he?” Light asked, tears filling his eyes  before he could stop their invasion.

“I'm so sorry,”  Souichiro said.

“L had a final request,”  Watari explained, “I think you should try to get some sleep and I'll meet with you first thing in the morning about it.”

Light nodded his head, but somehow he knew he wouldn't be getting any real sleep. He wondered if L's final request had anything to do with the discovery he'd made in one of the pictures. They all bid each other goodnight, and Light was left alone, in the dark, without L for the first time,where he cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts on this story so far. Comments always brighten my day. :D


	12. Not Who I Thought I Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's head aches make a triumphant return. Watari shows Light a truth about he and L that changes everything.

When Light woke up, his eyes felt wet and his throat dry. Nose stuffed, head pounding, he rose and rubbed his temples. He supposed sobbing all night instead of sleeping_ would_ cause a massive head ache. Nausea hit him like a wave and he almost didn't make it to the toilet. Another migraine, _great_. Ever since the accident, he'd developed migraines that nothing seemed to help. The neurologist prescribed him several different medications that would last a little while or take the edge off, but they seemed to return with a vengeance.

The cold white porcelain felt refreshing against his skin. He didn't care if it wasn't exactly sanitary. As soon as he had the strength, he'd pull himself  off the floor and shower anyway.  Somehow, though, he didn't much care for a shower. Or to brush his teeth. Or hair.  Perhaps it was the migraine zapping his strength, but he suspected it was something more.  It had been a long time coming, something he'd been able to push aside because he had L there with him. Now that he was gone,  a growing emptiness  had developed and seemed to  expand exponentially.  Maybe he could get help, he thought. Get on medication or see a therapist and pull himself out of the m ir e. But he didn't want that. He wanted to lay down and sleep forever.

After taking a prescribed abortive and having a nap, Light woke up feeling a little better around noon. He’d somehow managed to text  Watari and his father that he wasn’t well today, and they both understood, but would keep him updated. They both informed him that the trio had made great progress and they were ready to make their arrests. Light didn’t want them moving forward without him, fearful that he wouldn’t get his Death Note back, and asked that they postpone it by one day.  They obliged him.

With a sigh of relief, Light dropped his phone somewhere in the sheets of the bed and pulled L's laptop onto his chest. He scanned through pictures of the stunning French Manor, and couldn't wait to get away from the life he was currently living and resume his role as Kira.  _ If only L were here to do it with me,  _ he mused. 

Remembering the picture he saw yesterday, Light closed the laptop and reached for his phone. As he studied it, he decided it was time to talk to  Watari and ask. He wondered if what  Watari had to tell him had anything to do with his discovery. It irked him that the picture didn't jog any memories. It seemed like this small detail could be rather significant, and Light felt hard pressed to believe he'd forget a significant event in his life. Then again, he’d forgotten practically all of the last 3 years.

Watari agreed to meeting with him if he was sure he felt up to it. In truth, Light was tired of lying around in his room, alone with his thoughts.  It was too quiet without L there. With what little energy he had, Light made himself somewhat presentable and headed down to Watari's study. It seemed he had been spending an awful lot of time there lately. 

When he arrived,  Watari motioned for him to sit and offered him a drink, which he declined. On the coffee table was a white box with a pearl sheen to it. It was pretty and rectangular and Light wondered what was in it.

“ Are you sure you're ready?”  Watari asked, a pained gentleness in his voice. Revisiting these memories was just as hard for him.

Light silently nodded, but he could feel himself shaking, heart pounding. Watari pushed the box to him and he lifted it off the table and into his lap. With a deep breath, he lifted off the lid and set it aside. Inside were stacks of photographs, folded papers, cards, and on top of it all were two perfectly matched silver bands.

Light gasped and felt dizzy as he picked them up. The weight and coldness of the metal felt familiar in his hands.  Covering his  mouth to stifle a cry, Light felt a memory hit him like a shock to his system. “Oh my God,” he  whispered breathlessly. 

“Light, steady. Do you need a drink of water?”  Watari grew concerned with how pale Light had gone and feared he may pass out.

With trembling hands Light slid the band on his left ring finger and stared at it, “I'm- I'm Light  Lawliet , not  Yagami . ”  Ignoring  Watari's concern, or unable to tune the old man in, Light simply stared at his hand as he remembered.  “Holy shit I'm  gonna be sick,” he said as he jumped from his seat and grabbed  the little waste basket in the corner of the room.

As he retched,  Watari poured him a glass of water. Taking it as he remained on the floor,  Light nodded his thanks and sipped slowly, still pale, still wearing the ring.  Taking a deep breath, Light felt the hot sting of tears flare  and turned  red, glossy eyes up to  Watari , “ He really loved me.”

“Yes, and you loved him too,”  Watari smiled softly,  mustache twitching just a bit. “I think you've had enough today. Why don't you clean yourself up and lie down?”

Light nodded again and turned to place the glass of water on the table.  Pushing himself up with both hands against it, he stood on shaky legs.  Gathering the box, he reached for the pail, but  Watari stopped him, “I'll take care of it.”

Slightly embarrassed, Light knew better than to argue and instead thanked the old man before letting himself out.  The climb downstairs was slow and he clutched the railing , fearing his knees may give way and he’d fall.  He kept thinking to himself over and over that he wasn't who he thought he was,  overwhelmed with information and memories.

He remembered getting married. Once they became serious about each other, it seemed natural to take the next step. L had different reasons for wanting it but he couldn't recall what they were. Somehow, it felt important he remember. 

Frustrated, he threw himself onto the bed, “I'm Kira, I'm married,” he stopped, “No. I'm a widower. I_ was_ married and I don't even remember it.” Light rubbed his sore eyes and wondered what life married to L was like. There was a time where that would've been his dream, and now it seemed like a nightmare. Did they live together in HQ? Did the team know? 

While still fresh in his mind, the invading memories felt bitter now. Such a joyous occasion was ruined by tragedy.  They'd married in England because it wasn't legal in Japan. They celebrated with a huge party in the courtyard at  Wammy's . He felt so happy back then, so alive.  He got to see the place where L grew up, stay in his room, make love in his bed.

“We should've never returned. Had we stayed in England you'd still be alive!” he shouted into the dark room.

Even as he cried and angrily beat against the sheets with his fists, Light knew that was somehow untrue. It was L's time to go, young as he was. And it was Light’s job to pick up the pieces, if only he could remember what they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of regaining memories for Light! There's another bombshell waiting for him, if only he'll remember...


	13. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets his powers back and takes down the Yotsuba group. L reappears and they share one last night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've greatly enjoyed writing this fic and have been overjoyed with the responses I've been getting. Thank you so much to everyone who is enjoying it so far. You've been a real encouragement.

Light woke up at 5 a.m. the next morning feeling much better than he had the day before. At some point he had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and didn't wake. The contents of the pearlescent box were strewn about the bed and he still held one picture in his hand. Sitting up in the bed, he turned on his lamp and stared at the picture a while. It was of he and L on their wedding day, dancing under a canopy of lights after the sun set. It was a beautiful picture because L was crying into his shoulder, trying to hide his face and embarrassment. Light’s hand was gently stroking his hair as he whispered how much he loved him in his ear. Light remembered the moment vividly, remembered the words he spoke to L, “I've loved you every day since we met, and I'll love you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“I still love you,” he whispered to the picture, “I'll always Love you.”

Today was the day they were to finally bring the  Yotsuba group down. Filled with renewed resolve and a desire to take down the people who took L from him, Light  shuffled everything back into the box haphazardly. Thinking twice about it, he took the one picture he'd been holding out and placed it on his nightstand. With a long stretch and a yawn, he got ready  and walked to the  safe in the closet.  There he removed the fake Death Note he and L had made in secret. Tucking it snuggly into his clothing and double checking that it was perfectly concealed, he headed upstairs.  If he had anything to do with it, today would be the last day those bastards lived.

Near,  Watari , and Light took the helicopter , with Near piloting and  Watari in the back with a sniper rifle at the ready.  For a moment Light wondered what he was walking into, but decided he was glad they were ready to take them down if he couldn't. Mello took his motorcycle, twin pistols in their holsters. His father  rode with Matt, who terrified him as a driver.

It was decided in advance that Light would remain with Near in the helicopter because he still wasn't quick on his feet yet despite making vast improvements.  He still donned a bullet proof vest just in case.  They watched as his father and Matt both  took the notebook from Higuchi and then screamed and fell to the road, Mello rushing over to help them up.  Upon touching the Death Note himself, he was quick to draw one of his guns but not fire , seemingly pointing it at nothing . 

“Mello, bring it to us,” Near ordered through their head sets. He obliged quickly as Higuchi and his associates were being cuffed and escorted into police vehicles. Upon touching the Notebook, Near gasped.  “So they exist.”

“Let me see it,” Light said as casually as possible. His heart was pounding, this was it. He clasped the notebook between both hands and began screaming, frozen in his seat as the memories flooded him.

“Are you alright?” Near asked, assuming the  Shinigammi was simply terrifying to Light.

“Yes,” he finally breathed.  And with the bold audacity only Kira could possess, he  opened the notebook and began writing names. Every single one of the  Yotsuba group would die tonight for their crimes. They would die for murdering L.  For causing Light to suffer. 

Near was distracted , arguing with Mello about their next  move. It wasn't until bodies began dropping that he paid Light any mind. As Light  made the switch for the fake notebook , he tried not to smile.  Plastering a look of worry on his face, he agreed with Near that it _ must be Kira killing them all. _

***

Back at HQ, everyone called it a night, mission successful despite the deaths.  In the darkness of his room, Kira smiled until he began to laugh, the laughter growing more maniacal until his whole body shook. “It worked. It worked L.”

“Hiya, Light-o,”  Ryuk said  hesitantly as he appeared before Light.

“ Ryuk . Been a while,” Kira smiled. For a moment they just stared at each other, letting the success of their plan filter in. “I guess our next stop is France.”

“They better have good apples there,”  Ryuk complained, “That Higuchi guy didn't have any.”

Kira simply smirked as he hid the Death Note in the closet safe.  With his memories of being Kira restored, he had many more moments with L he now remembered.  Significant moments, like when L decided to join him .  They were up on the roof, the full moon a thing of beauty.  L confessed so much that night. Cried in front of Light for the first  time as he clutched Light’s shirt and screamed he loved him.  All Light could do was hold him as his resolve shattered, sobs of surrender giving way to  passionate kisses under the stars. 

Light had loved him from the moment they met. Fought with himself over what to do about it. L was his enemy, would be his downfall.  Somehow, he was ok with that. And now that he knew L reciprocated the feelings, well, he was definitely doomed , then, wasn't he? 

Light wanted to take him right there on the roof, but it wouldn't be right. Hand in hand they made their way back to their room, anticipation causing their hearts to beat out of their chests. Light pushed L's oversized collar off his shoulder and kissed the pale skin. L shuddered, gripping Light tightly. They fumbled with buttons and zippers until they stood before each other, vulnerable but unafraid, knowing each other for the first time.

As  Kira walked out of the closet , he nearly jumped out of his skin in fright. The soft glow of his lamp cast an ominous glow on the figure  which suddenly appeared in the room with he and  Ryuk . A moment passed, and Light caught his breath and slowed his heart.  Did his eyes deceive him?  “L?” He could barely choke it out.

“Yes,” came the reply and suddenly Light found himself running across the room, grabbing the dark haired man and slamming his mouth to his as he sobbed his great relief.  He pulled back, realizing that something was wrong with L. He was fading in and out, like a bad picture on an old TV.

“What's wrong with you?” Light asked with a sniff,  stroking L's face and holding him close.

“You're starting to remember, so I won't be here much longer,” L smiled sadly, running long fingers across Light's tear stained cheeks.

“How long do we have?”  Light asked, unveiled worry in his voice.

“Just tonight,” he whispered,  running fingers through that perfect auburn hair.

“No,” Light felt so broken , but was thankful to at least get this. Kissing him slowly, deeply, Light turned them both toward the bed.  When they parted for breath, clothes came off, softly padding their landing on the floor.  Ryuk had the decency to slip out undetected and give them their privacy.

They would know each other one last time. And as Light laid L out on the bed, he hoped in vain that if he took his time he could make time stop.  For moment, maybe it did.  He thought nothing would feel as good as being inside L, the one he’d love forever,  fingers tangled above their heads as bodies below collided.

He kissed every inch of that sweat soaked skin, pressed his head against L's as he tired, nearing his third climax. They would not stop; L would have to disappear out from underneath him, he thought. But exhaustion would consume them both and eventually they would lay there, panting, unable to move.

After a few moments, L began laughing, “Do you remember the time we sang “Call Me Maybe” in the car on the ride home from the baseball game?”

“Yes!” Light began laughing too, “Your dance moves were hilarious.” Light kissed his forehead, “ Remember when I ate the last ice cream and you had a conniption?”

“Yes! You heathen. I'll never forgive you,”  he joked. L had eaten 7 out of the box of 8 and really didn't need _ more _ sugar.

They reminisced for a while longer about married life,  Light recalling more than he thought he ever would.  He was happy with L.  Things weren’t perfect, but they were good. Feeling their time drawing close to its end, Light held L close and breathed him in, “I love  you so much. Please don't go.”

“I have to,” L whispered into his neck as he pressed kisses under his jaw, “ Now go to sleep and try to remember. Try to remember her.”

Like a spell cast over him, Light began drifting off, “Her? Who is she?” he slurred sleepily.

“That's for you to remember,” L reminded. Light did not reply as he slipped off into the world of dreams. L watched over him while he still could, pressing kisses to his face and running fingers through his hair. “I love you too, Light,” he whispered as he faded into the nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like the chapters in my two fics being out of sync so I'm going to go ahead and post the next chapter today!


	14. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light finally accepted L's passing and has one last revelation.

What woke Light was the growing cold he felt now that L's body wasn’t there keeping him warm. It was still dark out , the first peak of the sunrise just now making its way over the horizon.  Light didn't need to reach out to know L wasn’t there.  He knew. Instead he wrapped himself tighter in the blankets only to find the cold he felt came from within.

Eventually giving into the wakefulness, he rose before the sun even fully did and brought his morning coffee to the roof. The chill air pricked his skin and he shivered. A feeling of calm cascaded over him and he realized what he felt was peace. He'd finally accepted L's passing. It didn't mean he wouldn't miss him everyday or there wouldn't be difficult moments where the loss overcame him. It just meant the moments that crippled him would start becoming less and less as he cherished his time with L more and more. He could finally look back on their 3 years together and smile. He knew he was still missing pieces, but they would come.

With a sigh, Light turned his back on the sunrise and left to refill his mug. Under his breath he sang, “I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number…” smiling as he went.

Today would be spent mostly filing paperwork and tying up the case.  Everybody was to clear out their desks by the end of the day.  The team would go out for celebratory drinks afterward. It would be an easy but bittersweet day.

Both he and Matsuda had double the work because they'd been living at HQ.  As he folded he and L's clothes into a box, he couldn't help but stop to breathe them in.  Somehow, after all these months, it still smelled like him. He paused when he found L's old sneakers in the back of the closet. They were nearly destroyed but Light couldn't bring himself to throw them away.  He had an old wood chest at his parents house he could use to store L's things , he thought.

A soft knock sounded against his half open door, a familiar voice behind it, “Hey, Light. I thought you could use some help?”

“Come on in, Mello,” Light said, slightly surprised but welcoming of the  company.  As he stepped inside the room, Light noticed a sheepish smile, “No Matt today?”

“Nah, just me.”

“You two seem awful close,” Light lifted a box onto the bed . Noticing Mello blush, he changed the subject , “Um, you can pack the bathroom. Boxes are over there.”

Mello nodded and began putting together a box to fill. “I heard you remembered  some pretty significant things .”

Light laughed a little, “Uh, yeah.  Apparently we’re family.”

Mello turned and stood in the bathroom doorway, holding a bottle of soap in both hands. He looked down at it as he spoke, “I've been hoping you’d remember, and I know we’re not supposed to tell you, but…before the accident, you and I were actually really close. I considered you my best friend. When we got to Japan, I had hoped seeing me again would jog your memory. It-it hurt, when you didn't.” He looked up just in time to realize Light was in the doorway with him, wrapping his arms around him.

“I'm so sorry, Mello,” he said as they hugged. Pulling away, Light gripped his shoulders, “ Things are coming back slowly, but even if  I don't recover everything, I want us to be friends.  We’ll make new memories. As friends. As brothers.”

Mello smiled, “I would like that.”

Together, they efficiently packed the room and loaded the boxes onto the elevator. Light took one more look around the room before cutting the lights off. For the first time since the accident, Light thought about the future. He looked forward to seeing the French chateau in person, to resuming his role as Kira. Something nagged at him though, like something was missing from his equation. He shook it off as him simply feeling as though L should be there with him.

Mello helped him load up the moving truck  Watari hired.  Afterward,  Mello resumed spending his time with Matt. Light smiled and waved him off .  _ There's definitely something going on between them,  _ Light thought. 

Famished, Light stopped in the HQ kitchen to make some instant noodles for a late lunch. For some reason, the word 'noodle’ struck him as he read the English translation on the plastic wrapping. It wasn't just that it was a funny word; it meant something, somehow. “Noodle,” he said under his breath, feeling silly as he threw the wrapping out. “Noodle,” he said again, feeling a strange dizziness hit him. Suddenly he remembered the last thing L told him. _Try to remember her. _“Oh my God!” Light grasped for purchase against the slick countertop but couldn't find any as his knees buckled, “Noodle!” he screamed, panic stricken, not making any sense. 

“Light! What's wrong!?” Souichiro cried as he ran to his son and grabbed him off the floor.

Light’s eyes looked wild as he grabbed his father, his screams dying down as the memories flooded him. “ Oh, my God. Where is she? Where is Noodle?” He began crying and sputtering, and his father feared the worst as he embraced him on the floor.

“Who is Noodle, Light?” 

Watari appeared in the doorway , Matt,  Mello, and Near behind him , “He means Lucy. ” Walking over to Light , he smiled gently down at him , “I'm glad to see you finally remembered. We've been waiting.”

Light wiped his face of tears and accepted his father's help up.  “How could I have forgotten,  Watari ?” Light asked, still visibly upset . “Can I talk to her?”

“ I'm sure she's not quite awake yet, Light. It's very early in the morning over there , and she's not exactly an early riser.”  Watari explained with a grin.

“ Just like her dad,” Light’s eyes glistened as he remembered meeting L's daughter for the first time when they travelled to England to get married. He was so nervous because _ of course _ he needed her permission before he married her dad.

She was 6 years old at the time and a bundle of inquisitive energy and the spitting image of her father. Her giant grey eyes were easily bigger and more adorable than his, however. And her mop of black hair was always out of control, no matter the bows and clips her nanny tried to fix it with.

They'd Skyped the night before, and Light had to promise to buy her and L matching Panda pajamas. “ You should get Red Panda pajamas, Light! Then both my dad's can match!” She exclaimed excitedly, dancing around in her little grey Kitty pajamas.

“Did she just call me dad?” Light asked with a huge grin, turning to L.

“I think she did,” L smiled into the kiss as Light held his face, both of them laughing as Lucy made raspberries and shouted, “ Ew ! Gross!” in the background as she giggled wildly.

“Alright, Noodle, time for bed,” L said, turning back to the screen, “We can't wait to see you baby.”

“I love you Daddy!” she said as she blew kisses at the computer. L pretended to catch her kisses and place them over his heart.

“I love you too, Noodle. Sweet dreams.” L closed his laptop and leaned back into Light, who held him for a quiet moment on the bed. 

“Why do you call her Noodle?” Light asked with a kiss to L's shoulder.

“ Because when she was a baby she squirmed like a damn noodle. Wouldn't  sit still for anything.”

“I see she hasn't changed much,”  Light said. L laughed at that. 

Turning in Light's lap, L wrapped his arms around Light's waist and kissed him sweetly, “We should go to bed too. We have an early flight,” he said. But the way Light kissed him back told him they were in for a late night. They could always sleep on the flight , after all.

“Do you want to see a recent picture of her?” Mello asked, shaking Light from his thoughts.

“Yes!” Light said.

Mello approached him and handed over his phone. “She's grown so much!” Light said as he took in the picture. She was smiling wide, holding up a kitten she must've just gotten. There were purple and blue streaks in her hair, torn up wrapping paper strewn about in the background. _This must've been her birthday party_, Light thought. “Are there more?” Light asked as he swiped to the next photo. Mello hitched and blushed, reaching out to try and stop him but it was too late. Light was now staring wide eyed at a rather explicit picture of Mello on his hands and knees, stark naked, while a naked Matt took him from behind. “Oh God I'm sorry!” Light quickly switched the screen off and handed the phone back, blushing wildly. Thankfully nobody else saw the picture. Matt simply laughed at Mello’s embarrassment, not caring in the slightest that Light now knew just how big his dick was.

Thankfully, the others missed it, distracted by Matsuda’s announcement that everything was packed and it would be time to celebrate soon. The conversation turned to everyone agreeing to go home and change and meet at the local bar that evening. Light was to go home with his father, but before they left, Light had a Skyping session with a certain dark hair little girl, compliments of Watari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did any of you see THAT coming? XD
> 
> Also, Noodle as a nickname I cannot get over. LMAO


	15. Hana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about Hana, Lucy's mother.

L was young when  Hana  became pregnant. They were both just 18 and had grown up together in the orphanage.  Having arrived at  Wammy’s at the same time, they became fast friends, neither of them feeling like they fit in very well. 

She was beautiful, with blonde hair and green eyes and a dusting of freckles over her nose.  They spent every waking moment together, studying together, eating together. Hana even snuck out of her room and into L's almost every night. As they grew older, those nightly visits turned into something more. 

One night, Hana didn't come. She’d been missing from classes all day and when L asked  Watari about it he said she was alright and would be back. He refused to give L anymore information. Finally retiring to his room, exhausted with worry, he found her waiting for him.  He ran to her, enfolding her in his arms, “Where have you been?”

“I'm sorry I've worried you, my love,” she whispered , “I've been at the clinic.”

“Are you sick?” He asked, sweetly placing a hand on her forehead to feel for a fever.

“No,” she smiled, reaching up and removing his hand. Placing it on her stomach instead, she said, “ I'm pregnant, L.”

L fell silent, eyes wide and jaw slack. For all his brilliance, he couldn't wrap his mind around this moment. Placing both hands on Hana’s stomach, he leaned over and pressed his ear to her stomach.

She laughed, “What are you doing?”

“ Listening.”

“You won't be able to hear anything L. The baby is too small.” She cupped his face as she lifted it, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” L said, reaching up to kiss her.

They laid on L's bed together, where he gently rubbed her stomach as they  sweetly kissed. “Let’s get married,” he said. “We can buy a house in town. I have plenty of money, you'll never have to worry.”

Hana smiled brightly, “Ok.”

The next morning, L nervously told Watari the news. He thought the old man would be disappointed in him. He was so young and had such a promising future as L. But they both agreed this development wouldn't interfere with his work as L. Watari promised to support him in any capacity he could. Relieved, L felt he could face anything with Watari on his side.

Hana was sick a lot in the beginning, and L was always there to help her.  Watari moved them to a private cottage on the property. They married quietly,  without a big ceremony or many attendants. They were happy together, L's excitement growing as his wife's belly began to expand.

He put together a crib in the nursery and helped Hana paint it a light blue.  It was such an exciting time for them.  They discovered they were having a girl, and settled on the name Lucy, after Hana’s mother.

“I'm going to market,”  Hana called from the kitchen. L was busy in the back room working on a case.

“Ok babe.  Please don't overdo it.”  Despite her being very close to delivery, he knew better than to try and keep her home. Hana was not like him in that regard. She always had to  be doing something, and especially loved being outside.

“I promise. Love you!” She said as she walked out the door.

“Love you too!” He called. 

Several hours passed but L didn't even notice. Consumed by the case, he didn't stop until he felt hungry. “Oh wow, it's dark out,” L mumbled to himself as he stared out the kitchen window. “Hey Hana, are you hungry?” When he got no response, he figured she was sleeping in the bedroom. He flicked on the light and noticed a perfectly made bed. Alarmed, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Hana. 

A knock at the door startled him. He pocketed his phone and walked to answer, hoping Hana had simply locked herself out of the house again.  But it wasn't Hana; it was  Watari and the police. Standing on his door step under an umbrella,  Watari and an officer stepped in from the rain. “ There's been an incident.”

L couldn't comprehend what he was being told. He simply clutched  Watari , the shock overtaking his system.  “We need to go now,”  Watari was saying.  _ Go? Go where? _

They piled L into the back of Watari's sleek black car. The ride over to the hospital was a blur. It gave him a chance to process what had happened. Hana had been grabbed in broad daylight, raped in a back alley, robbed, and stabbed to death. He didn't even want to imagine what happened to the baby.

They escorted him into the hospital, his body numb. He wasn't even sure how he was walking.  They brought him to see her, to say goodbye. He didn't understand why. He didn't want to see her like that, with all the life drained from her beautiful face. He collapsed, sobbing, clutching her cold arm as she lay lifeless on the table.

“L,”  Watari said, placing a hand on his back, “Would you like to see your daughter?”

L froze.  _ She's alive.  _ Looking up at  Watari , he nodded slowly, unable to speak. They brought him to a private room and  Watari waited with him while a nurse fetched the baby. He sat by the window and stared out it, longing to hold his wife again. Hoping this was a dream.

The nurse returned and placed a tiny, black haired, sleeping bundle in his arms. He’d never held a baby before. He cried into the blanket she was swaddled in, feeling overwhelmed with both love and grief.

“She's beautiful, L,”  Watari said, standing behind him and patting him on the back.

Lucy woke up and began crying and squirming. “What do I do?” L asked, turning pleading eyes up to  Watari .

“I think she needs to eat. Let me call the nurse,”  Watari walked away to push a button on the wall and request formula.

L attempted to comfort his new baby as they waited for the nurse to bring formula.  Her wails bothered him deeply, and he would've done anything for her to be happy and quiet again.  The nurse knocked then entered, asking if he preferred she feed the baby.

“I’d like to try,” L said softly. She nodded and remained in the room to help him if he needed it. It took a few tries, but she eventually accepted the bottle, drinking it all.  She fell asleep soon after and the nurse took her back to the nursery, showing L how to reach it.

The next day, he was allowed to take her home. When he walked through the door with her, he couldn't help but feel lost on what to do.  Hana was supposed to be here. She was supposed to help him. What was he supposed to do without her?

The baby cried and he changed her. She cried again and he fed her. When she cried in the middle of the night, he held her. She was the only thing that kept him going in the days and weeks following Hana's death.  Watari checked on him often, worried over how frail L seemed.

“L, you need to care for yourself, too,” he said as he placed a bowl of hot soup and a loaf of bread before L. “ Lucy needs you.”

“I understand,” L said as he ate. He seemed so broken to  Watari , so lost.  A few bites into his meal,  Lucy began crying from her room.  Watari placed a hand on his shoulder when he attempted to rise. Sitting back down, L allowed  Watari to attend to her needs.

As the months wore on, L became obsessed with his wife's case. The local police couldn't find anything, so he took it from their incompetent hands.  Lucy spent a lot of time with him in his office, and he set up  a play pen for her. Truth be told, he enjoyed holding her to his chest as he typed away on his computer , so she didn't spend much time in it .  Watari showed up one day with a baby carrier that held her snug against his chest and freed both his hands. L thought it was the greatest invention he'd ever seen.

The investigation was taking its toll on L and  Watari warned him to back off and get some sleep.  One day L woke up in a haze and stumbled out of his room to find  Watari cooking while holding Lucy. “Do you have any idea how long you've been out, L?”

L felt a shiver of dread at the hint of anger in  Watari's voice. “No.”

“Twenty hours, L. Your daughter cannot go twenty hours without food, or a change. ”  Watari left the stove and walked over to him, his face steel, “You will drop this case and make your daughter your priority from here on out.  This will _ never _ occur again L or I swear I will take you to court and have her removed from your custody. Do I make myself clear?”

L gulped. He knew  Watari was not bluffing. He lowered his head, “ Yes, sir.” 

“Take her, please,”  Watari said as he  gave L the baby, “She's made it abundantly clear all day that she prefers your company to mine.”

L smiled and kissed his baby's head, “I'm sorry Noodle. It won't happen again.”

And it didn’t. L dropped the case and spent more time focusing on his daughter.  They grew nearly inseparable , L's entire world revolving around his daughter. Eventually he took on cases where he needed to travel. It was too dangerous to take Lucy so he found a nanny. That first trip away from her was excruciating for them both. But it got easier as time passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will resume your regularly scheduled programming in the next chapter.


	16. Noodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets to talk with Noodle for the first time in a long time.

Light was so excitedly nervous to Skype with Lucy that he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. When her perfect face appeared on the screen with a huge smile and a loud, “Light! I've missed you!” All his worries and nerves melted away.

“Noodle,” he smiled, a tearful  wobble to his voice. “I've missed you too. How are you doing?”

She squeezed her stuffed Panda tight, “I feel sad a lot,” she explained.

“Me too, baby. I miss him every moment.”

Lucy offered a small smile, “When do I get to see you again?”

“Soon, baby. The case is over and I can come stay with you. Would you like that?”

She lit up, “Forever?”

“Forever,” he smiled.  He'd have to talk to her about moving to France another time. Her life had already changed dramatically once  and he didn't want to shock her system. 

They chatted for a little while longer and she told him about her grades in school and showed him her art projects. She talked about her friends and field trips. Light was glad to see she was getting along alright  despite everything that had happened.

“I have to go, Noodle. It's getting late here.” Light finally said.

“ Ok! I'll see you soon, right?”

“Very.”

“Hey, Light?”  she had his attention, “Are you still my daddy?”

His heart shattered into a million pieces, “Yes, baby,” he almost choked on the words, “I'll always be your daddy.”

She seemed excited to hear that. They said their goodnight’s and when Light closed the laptop lid he burst into tears. How was he going to do this? How was he going to fill the role of Lucy's father?  All he knew for certain is that it was what L would have wanted. There was no way Light was going to let that little girl become an orphan. He was a  Lawliet now, and they were a family.

He dried his tears and stood, attempting to pull himself together enough to go home with his father and get ready. When he exited the room Watari had given him for privacy, he found Watari, who escorted him out. 

Turning to the old man as they walked, Light asked, “ Watari , when can I begin the adoption process for Lucy?”

Watari smiled, “If you feel you’re ready, I'll have a lawyer draw up the papers tomorrow.”

_ Am  _ _ I _ _ ready? _ Light nodded, “Thank you  Watari . One more thing. When do you leave for England?”

“In a week. I have a few things to tie up here first.”

The men stopped at the door to the parking deck. Light smiled, “Do you mind taking me with you? I would like to stay with Lucy in England until our house in France is finished.”

“Very well,  consider it done,”  Watari said with a small bow as he opened the door for Light.

“Thank you for everything,” Light said as he stepped through the door.  His father was waiting in their car with the engine running, ready to go home.

“I'm proud of you, Light,”  Souichiro said as he navigated the dark roads through the city. Light had told him his plans to move to England, adopt Lucy, and then take her to France. 

Light smiled, thinking _ if only he knew why I would be in the secluded French countryside.  _ “Thank you, dad,” he said instead.

It was a little odd being home. Being back in his old house,  using his old shower. He wondered if it would be difficult to sleep in his old bed.  He slipped the Death Note back into its old hiding place in his desk.  _ Boy, does this bring back memories. _

They met up with the guys at a little local dive bar across town.  Aizawa was already saying he couldn't stay late because of his wife's complaining. He sighed into his beer.  Matsuda had been going shot for shot with Mello, so they both were completely wasted. Mogi and Matt paced themselves while a drunk Mello tried talking Near into drinking _ something.  _ Light laughed and he and his father ordered beers. Neither were big drinkers, and that wouldn't change tonight.

“To solving the Kira case!”  Light held up his glass. The others slung their drinks up with a clash and a cheer.  He wondered for a moment if the team would be revived once he was established and killing again in France. He was determined to be more calculated this time, more quiet. He hoped to not draw attention to himself but he knew there was a good chance  someone would catch on. Especially L's heirs. They seemed pretty smart.

Matsuda and Mello somehow wound up singing a poor rendition of a Lady Gaga song. Every word was slurred and Light couldn't help but find it hilarious. He'd never be caught dead trying to sing. It didn't matter how much alcohol there was, it wouldn't be enough. 

Midnight rolled around and  Souichiro gave Light the  _ I'm done  _ look.  Light nodded in agreement; he was exhausted. The men said their goodnight’s, exchanging sloppy hugs and handshakes.  Matsuda became drunkenly emotional. It was a mess.

That night, Light slept relatively well. Perhaps it was the alcohol combined with exhaustion.  Either way, Light got the best night's sleep he'd had since L died. His parents and sister even left him alone the next morning, figuring he  needed it . He wound up sleeping until noon.

The week would feel like an eternity as Light waited to leave Japan to see his daughter. They Skyped everyday, counting down together. Lucy had a calendar she marked each day off with a blue marker. She wanted to throw a big party when Light arrived to celebrate, and despite knowing he’d be jetlagged, he agreed it was a wonderful idea.

The big day finally came and Light couldn't contain himself. Usually he could hold himself together, being well practiced in maintaining a good façade. But today he was nervous smiles and pacing steps.  His hands trembled  and nothing he did steadied them.  He practiced several deep breaths as the plane descended, clutching the stuffed horse in his lap. He hoped she liked the gift. He wasn't even sure she liked horses, but really what little girl didn't?

“ You're with me, right, L?” he mumbled under his breath. A warmth came over him and he suddenly relaxed.  _ Yes, I'm with you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts, it is so very appreciated. Feedback feeds my fire.


	17. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light finally arrives in England to be with Lucy.

The sleek black car bumped and shimmied its way down the long gravel drive. It was lined with trees  that were just beginning to lose their leaves. They were the most dazzling array of orange and bright yellow, and complimented the giant Manor well. 

As they pulled up to the grand front doors, Light felt a familiarity befall him. He _ did _ remember this place.  As he stepped out of the car and breathed in the fall air, he thought he’d never forget it again.

The front doors flung open and a short, skinny kid in Panda pajamas came running out, arms open, yelling, “Light!”

“Noodle!” Light called as he dropped to his knees on the first step, embracing her as she jumped into his arms. He kissed her hair and breathed her in and thought she smelled like strawberries and sugar. He pulled back from her and offered the stuffed animal. “You look so much like your dad,” he smiled.

She accepted the gift with a giant smile, “Thank you. And that's what everybody says. I don't know that I'm as smart as him, though.”

“You’re probably smarter,” Light winked.  “Your grades are better than his were, at any rate.”

“Really?”

“Oh yes,” Light stood and took her hand, “He didn't apply himself when it came to his studies.” She laughed at that and Light turned back to the car to grab his suitcase. “Care to lead the way, my dear?”

“Sure!”  Lucy gave a little jump forward in her excitement and pulled Light up the stairs and into the manor.  Light would be taking L's old apartment where they could live together. She was so excited to start her new life with Light. Maybe now that he was here, she wouldn't cry herself to sleep or wake up from Nightmares anymore, she hoped.

The apartment was well organized and clean, with pictures of Lucy and L throughout. In the master bedroom, a picture of L and Hana sat on the nightstand. Light picked it up and sighed. He'd tried finding the man who murdered her, but hadn't had any luck. He was determined, however.  She deserved justice. “Thank you for letting me love him,” he whispered to Hana as he set the picture down. He had a framed picture of he and L he wanted to stand next to it. It would arrive when his boxes got there.

Lucy showed him her room, which she was so proud of. It was painted a rather nice purple color, with white furniture. Her bed was canopy style and overflowing with stuffed animals. She added the horse to  the collection and Light wondered where she was going to fit.

Light made them dinner, with Lucy requesting “something Japanese” to try. Figuring it was wise to stick to noodles, Light whipped up something simple and delicious.

“Oh wow. You're a way better  cook than dad was!” she said as she gobbled it down.

Light laughed, “I'm honestly shocked he even knew how to cook anything.”

“He didn't.”

Light laughed so hard at that, he had to blot tears from his eyes. Lucy was certainly a character.  She expressed to him how she wanted to learn all about Japan and Light’s heritage. She felt like she was an honorary Japanese person now, and wanted to know all she could. Light was delighted to teach her.

After dinner was bath time then bed. Light tucked her in with a kiss, half her stuffed animals falling to the floor.  With a smile, he brushed her hair from her sweet face, “I love you. Goodnight Noodle.”

“ Goodnight Daddy.”

Light smiled as he went to what was now his bedroom. He thought he could easily get used to this. L was right, he thought. Children are something else.  Dressed in pajama bottoms, he slid under the down comforter and felt sleep wash over him quickly. This bed had to be the most comfortable one he'd ever slept in. 

It wasn't two hours later that Light woke with a start. “Lucy?”  Crying could be heard down the hall, and he jumped out of bed and raced to her. “Baby what's wrong?”

“I had a Nightmare,” she managed through her sniffles. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.”

“ Sh , that's nonsense,” Light said as he scooped her up in his arms. “Why don't you come sleep with me?”

“Ok,” she said, face buried in his chest as he lifted her. He carried her back to his room and tucked her in. 

Heart broken for the pain he couldn't take away, he asked, “How long has this been going on?”

“Since dad died,” she confessed.

“Have you told anybody?”

“No. I wanted to be strong,” she said as she began crying again.

“Oh baby, that's not your job,” Light said as he held her, “That's not your job at all. ” He hated to think that she’d been suffering in silence for the better part of 8 months and nobody knew.  That would end tonight, he thought as he kissed her forehead.  “Try to sleep, sweet girl.”

The next morning Lucy was back to smiles and giggles, but Light now knew that beneath that was a very broken hearted little girl. He made an appointment to speak with Roger that afternoon about what had been done to help her through her grief. He would be very disappointed.

“What do you mean,  _ nothing  _ has been done?” Light seethed where he sat, wishing to strangle the pompous old man.

“She seemed to be carrying on just fine,” he explained with a shrug.

_This guy is heartless. _“Well, she's not ok. She's been having nightmares every night since he died. I'm taking her to see a grief counselor.” With that, Light stood and walked out without another word. He knew Watari would've never let this go on had he known. Hopefully he’d give Roger a piece of his mind once Light informed him.

Light waited until after his welcoming party to talk to her about it. They played games, danced, and ate way too many cupcakes with the other children.  Lucy had even gotten Light a gift. It was a small box wrapped in glittery pink paper. He laughed at the sight of it.  Once he opened it, however, he was touched. Inside were two gold bracelet’s, one for him and one for her.  Engraved on them were both their names and  _ together forever _ with a heart beside it. He hugged Lucy tight and thanked her for such a wonderful gift. “I'll never take it off.”


	18. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time Passes and Light and Lucy finally move to France and start over.

A year passed and Light celebrated Lucy's official adoption with her.  He baked her favorite cake, chocolate with strawberries, and they danced and ate junk food until they thought their stomach’s would burst. 

Lucy had done extremely well with therapy, and stopped having nightmares after a few months. She seemed to really blossom, and was growing like a weed. Light a l ways dressed her impeccably, but somehow she managed to be a mess by the end of the school day regardless. Neither of them could figure out what to do with her hair, either. A braid often helped keep things somewhat together. But by the end of the day, it always looked destroyed and somehow had twigs and grass stuck all in it.

“What ever am I going to do with you?” He smiled sweetly as he tried to gently brush the tangles out.

To his great surprise, Lucy was excited about having an adventure to France. Light showed her pictures of their new house and explained how L bought it for them before he died. She thought that was sweet and romantic and couldn't wait for them to start their new lives together. Light was relieved and thankful that she was such an easy going kid. She wasn't at all stubborn like her father had been.

Once they moved to the stunning chateau, it didn't take long for them to acclimate. Light enrolled Lucy in the local private school where she flourished. She brought home excellent grades and made many friends.  They often studied at their house. There was plenty of room for everyone, after all.

Light could usually be found in the garden, tending to his many flowers.  If not there, he was in his expansive office, doing important work that he never explained to Lucy.  He knew she was smart, and he knew he was right about her being smarter than L. It was entirely possible that she'd figure out he was Kira. He wondered if that would shatter her image of him and destroy their relationship. He hoped not. His intent was to make the world a safer place for her. Everything was for her.

The years flew by and before Light knew it, Lucy was 16\. She’d started wearing makeup and straightening her hair and _ liking boys.  _ Light thought it would be the death of him. “You’re not allowed to date until after I'm dead,” he joked over dinner one night.

She laughed, then looked thoughtful, “Dad,  how come you haven't dated? Do you ever get lonely?”

Light paused. Was she really old enough to be asking this question? He supposed she was. “I'm not lonely with you here,” he smiled.

“But Dad, I'll be off to  uni in a couple years. ”

That was true. He'd be left alone in his giant, empty house.  The echoes of his daughters laughter down the halls would turn into something sinister without her there, he feared.  “ I suppose you're right,” he sighed, “I think I'll be ok.”

“You know, the local baker has a crush on you,” she smiled from across the table.

“And how do you know that?” He blushed. Their favorite bakery was run by a rather handsome man around his age.

“ The way he looks at you when we go in. I can just tell.”

“You can just tell, huh?”

She smiled, “You should ask him out next time we're there!”

“I will do no such thing.”

Lucy pretended to pout as she cleared their dishes. She only wanted Light to be happy, and she worried about him. Worried what would happen when she left for University. As it stood, she would probably graduate early and leave much sooner than anticipated. She dreaded it, in a way. She and Light hadn't been apart in nearly a decade. It would be a difficult transition.

It crossed her mind to meddle in her father's business and set him up with the handsome stranger, but she thought better of it. If her father said no , he had good reason. Besides, maybe he'd draw his own conclusions about the matter once she was actually gone and he was truly alone.

The Summer before she was to leave, they made a trip to  Japan to visit Light’s parents and make a special trip to see L's grave.  Light’s parents had done a great job keeping it up and putting fresh flowers on it every week.  He was appreciative.

“Hi Daddy,” Lucy said as she knelt down on the soft grass, placing white tulips there. They were her favorite flower.  “I'm off to University this fall ,” she told him, “I think you'd be proud of me if you were here.”

Light stood next to her under the Apple tree, its shade offering them some reprieve from the hot sun.  “He’s definitely proud of you, baby.”

She smiled up at him then turned back to the grave stone and said, “Also, you should start haunting Daddy while I'm away since he's too stubborn to find somebody to keep him company.”

“Lucy! Don't say that!” Light was alarmed but laughed. She didn't know about the time L _ actually _ haunted him.

Lucy laughed and looked back at Light, “I bet he'll do it,” she winked.

_ I bet he will too.  _ Light just sighed and shook his head. “I miss you, L. I love you.” He ran a hand over the smooth stone and reminisced.  When his eyes fogged up, Lucy stood and hugged him.  He was so grateful for her and wasn’t sure what he would've done without her.  It was going to be so hard seeing her off, but he knew this was an important chapter in her life.

“I know he loved my mom, even though I never got to see them together,” Lucy said, “But  I think you two were soul mate s, if I had to guess.”

Light trembled as his heart broke to hear her words.  He felt that way too, although, he was eternally grateful to Hana for bringing such a wonderful child into the world.  He supposed L was reunited with his first love in heaven or Mu or wherever the hell he was.  Hopefully they were happy together and soon, but  _ not too soon,  _ Light could join them in eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Tell me!


	19. Halloween Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light feels lonely in his big house without Lucy there and takes a chance.

It turned out Lucy was right about everything. The large, spacious house that had accommodated them for so many years felt so cold now. Its hallways echoed back his loneliness, the sound of his feet against the ancient tile like a soft cry.  A cool breeze danced against his kitchen curtains,  bringing with it a few crumpled leaves. Light sipped his coffee as he peered out into the garden.  Winter was inevitable, and he didn't look forward to it.

His only consolation was that Lucy would be home for a week come Christmas time. He certainly looked forward to that.  But as it were, today was Halloween, and as Light set a bowl of candy  out for the local children he couldn't help but feel the intense ache this day always brought him without fail.  L would've been  36 today.  Light wondered what he would've dressed up as and if he'd eat candy until his stomach hurt as was tradition. 

Light's phone buzzed with a text message from Mello. “How you holding up?”

“Terribly. Thinking of getting plowed.”

“ Like…Sexually or in the alcohol way?”

“LMAO only you, Mello.  Alcohol. I haven't been the other kind of plowed since L.”

“Damn brother how are you _ alive?  _ Get out there and get some ass.”

“I'm good. Seriously. Besides, it wouldn't be very sexy of me to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of it.”

“There are plenty of men who would understand, Light. Obviously it's your choice but I know L would want you to live your fullest life. Just saying.”

“I appreciate that. I'll think about it.” 

Light did think about it. He thought about the cute guy down at the bakery. Light actually had his number. Maybe he'd get drunk and text him,  allowing the shame of his behavior to wash over him tomorrow.

About two bottles of decently strong red wine in, Light was feeling adventurous as he thought about Mello's advice. He refilled the candy dish and smiled at the group of children passing through.  He pulled out his phone, “Happy Halloween, Leo! This is Light, by the way.”

He hit send and poured himself another glass of red wine, trying to drown out the stupid feeling he had creeping up.  He thought to shut his phone off and go to bed when it vibrated, “Hi Light! So nice to hear from you. Enjoying Halloween?”

_ Should I be honest or?  _ “ It’s ok. This is my first one without Lucy so it's a little hard.”  _ Gay. He doesn't want to hear about that! _

“I'm sorry to hear that. Are you up to some company?”

_ Oh shit. This is really happening.  _ _ “ _ Sure.”

“Great! I'll be over in a bit. Have you eaten? I can bring dinner.”

“Actually, that sounds wonderful, thank you.”  Light sent him his address in a separate text and Light realized that if this was going the direction he _ thought _ it was going then he needed to shave his junk.

Light had just enough time to shower, shave, and change before the doorbell echoed through the house.  He raced to open it, heart pounding  in his throat. “Hi Leo! Welcome,” he said with a bright smile. 

“Hello! I hope you're hungry. I brought a lot of food,” he smiled. Leo was tall and beautiful, with deep blue eyes and dark hair. He donned a well maintained beard that suited his features well.

“Excellent. Care for a glass of wine? I may have gotten a head start so I'm going to drink a glass of water myself.” Light offered as he led him to the kitchen.

“Wine sounds fantastic,” Leo smiled winningly and Light’s heart thumped even harder.

They sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed the delicious breads and dips Leo brought, followed by salad and  a stunning fish dish. Dessert, of course, was an assortment of pastries.

“My husband would've loved you,” Light commented.  Immediately he regretted saying anything and cringed inwardly.

“Divorced?” Leo asked.

“Oh, no. Uh, he passed away.” Light looked down and tried to recover.

“I'm so sorry,” Leo said, taking Light’s hand.

“Thank you. It's ok, it was a long time ago,” Light smiled softly, enjoying the warm comfort of the other man's hand on his. 

Leo leaned in, “May I?”

Light nodded, slightly wide eyed and unsure as Leo kissed him. The sensation was almost forgotten, something he hadn’t felt in over a decade.  They stood, pulling each other closer,  Light tentatively running his hands up and down Leo’s back. 

Leo parted first, still holding Light in his strong arms, “Would you like to move this to the bedroom? ”

“Yes,” Light said with another kiss before sliding his hand into Leo’s and leading him up the stairs to his room. 

Light felt nervous but hoped it didn't show. Once he closed the door , he turned to Leo and began shedding his clothing, Leo  following suit. Once fully divested of clothing, Leo ran his fingers through Light's hair from the base of his head upward, kissing  his shoulder and neck all the while. Light groaned and closed his eyes, leaning into it.

Thankful Leo took the lead, he gave way when he gently pushed Light down onto the bed. The man was a sex God, Light thought as Leo l ic ked and kissed his way down Light's body, stopping at each nipple to give it a twirl with his tongue and ever so gently graze his teeth over them. Light writhed beneath him, gasping and moaning and clenching the sheets.

Leo didn't hesitate to swallow down Light's entire length, alternating between hard, life altering sucks and licks around the head of his penis. He popped off and took Light's balls in his mouth,  stroking Light's throbbing cock as he swirled his tongue around his mouthful.

“Do you have lube?” Leo asked. Light nodded, panting too hard to say anything intelligible.  He reached for the nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle. 

Leo squirted a generous amount on his fingers, then swallowed Light’s length back down as he pressed a finger inside Light’s body.  He swirled it around expertly, inserting a second finger and rapidly scissoring him open, gunning for a third as Light squirmed below him. 

He smiled  around his mouthful as Light warned him he was coming, but Leo took the jets of hot come and swallowed them down as he massaged Light’s prostate. Light was so overstimulated he saw stars.  Finally, Leo popped off of him and slicked up his own hard cock, inserting it inside Light's wanting body.

“ Ah! Oh, God!” Light cried, gripping Leo's thighs desperately.  The feeling of fullness was accompanied by a sting of pain, but it didn't last long.  Leo folded him a bit more and began pumping out a rhythm, striking Light's  prostate furiously. Light thought he would shatter apart beneath him, his erection having returned  and straining for stimulation.

Leo leaned over and kissed Light ,  tangling his fingers in his hair. Their tongues twined as the kiss deepened, both reaching climax as they rocked against each other's sweat slicked skin.  Leo jolted and froze for a moment, and Light knew he came, but Leo didn't quit.  “What?” Light hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud.

“Sometimes I come two or three times before I'm done,” Leo panted.

_ What have I gotten myself into?  _ Light thought as his second orgasm screamed through him.  Leo lifted off Light to watch, smug grin on his face. He took a finger and smeared it into the come on Light's  stomach , licking it off.  _ Oh fuck, that's hot,  _ Light thought as Leo continued to fuck him.

“I'm close,” Leo said as he squeezed his eyes shut and slammed against Light erratically. His second orgasm crashed through him and he collapsed on Light,  breathing heavily. “Looks like it's just twice tonight,” he grinned as he propped  himself up on his elbow.

“ Oh, is that all?” Light laughed,  utterly spent as he lay there. “What's your record?”

“Four.”

“You're a machine. Good grief.” Light sat up and excused himself to the bathroom. He figured he was going to have come dripping out of him for days  i f he didn't do something about it. He offered Leo a towel to clean off with and then climbed back into bed, where Leo folded him in his arms. 

“Do you mind if I stay the night?” Leo asked between kisses.

Light hadn't shared his bed in years, but he welcomed the company. “I actually prefer it,” he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting near the end of this story, and I can't seem to come up with a suitable ending for it. We're only a few chapters away, but hopefully my updating won't be thwarted too much by my writer's block. Thank you to everyone who's come this far!


	20. Traumatized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp...A lot happens. Just read it.

Lucy was excited to surprise her father.  The whole school had an extra long  weekend .  Quickly paying her cab driver, Lucy pulled her suitcase from the  trunk and made her way through the front door.

“Dad?” She called. It was still pretty early in the morning so she thought he might still be sleeping. She breezed through the kitchen to find dishes piled in the sink and  a few  empty bottles of  wine on the table. “Did Dad have a guest last night?”  She asked  herself _ . Good _ _ for him! _

She made her way upstairs, wondering if his dinner guest was sweet Mrs. Marquis down the road. She was the sweetest lady and a widow, so she and Dad had something in common. She tapped on her father's door before trying the handle. Unfortunately for both Light and Lucy, the house still retained its original doors and walls, which were extremely thick and basically sound proof. So, Lucy wasn’t expecting to see her naked father riding another man, crying out in the throws of passion when she opened the door and said, “Surprise!” 

Her joyful shout quickly turned to horrified screaming as she wheeled around and slammed the door shut.  She'd never seen Light naked before. One of the benefits of having a single dad who didn't date was that she never walked in on him having sex.

Light jumped off Leo, shouting, “Shit!” and scrambled for his pajama bottoms. “Fuck. What is she doing here?” he said to himself. Leo was busy giggling, covering himself in the sheets in case Lucy came back in.

Light flung open the door, finally halfway decent, and stared wide eyed at his daughter. She had gone from hysterical screaming to  laughing. She covered her mouth and held her stomach, laughing so hard she cried. Light scratched the back of his head and started laughing too. “Lucy I'm so sorry,” he said between laughs.

She wiped her eyes and breathed deep, “ I can never  unsee that, dad.”

“Scarred for life?” he asked with a silly grin.

“Yes!” She said. Finally regaining composure,  she said, “Alright, so who is he? You should introduce us when you  guys get decent.”

“ You didn't recognize him? It's Leo, the baker,” he said.

“Ha! I  _ knew _ it! Good for you, old man,” she  playfully punched his shoulder. “Alright I'm going to make us breakfast. You two get dressed and meet me downstairs.” She gave her dad a peck on the cheek and hurried along, secretly delighted her father had found someone to keep him company,  recent horrors aside.

Lucy quickly loaded the dishwasher and started a pot of coffee. Looking in the fridge, she found cheese, eggs, bacon and a half loaf of bread. _Good enough, _she thought. She was halfway through cooking scrambled eggs when the two disheveled but decent men found their way downstairs.

Light kissed Lucy on the top of her head as he poured he and Leo a cup of coffee. “Thank you Noodle.”

She smiled, “My pleasure,” she said as she plated the eggs with the bacon and toast. Bringing it over to the table, she couldn't help but giggle to herself at their love mussed appearance. “Alright, so tell me, how long have you two been seeing each other?”

Light blushed, “Uh, last night was the first time.”

_ Oh my God, my dad's a slut!  _ She thought.

Leo jumped in and saved the day. Taking Light's hand, he said, “But I'd like to see much more of your father. If he'll have me?”

Light smiled and squeezed his hand, “I would like that.”

“You two are so cute it's almost nauseating,” Lucy joked.

“What are you doing home from school?” Light asked as he nibbled on a piece of bacon.

“Some kind of staff work day. I don't know. We just have an extra long weekend so I decided to surprise you. So far, it’s worked out great,” she laughed.

The two men blushed and smiled.  “ Well, I'm so happy you're home. ” Light said, “ Let's do something fun today, the three of us. Are you available Leo?”

“Actually, yes. I'll have to go home and change. Are you sure I'm not intruding on your time together?” Leo asked.

“Not at all,” Lucy said, “I'm actually really happy my dad is _ finally _ seeing you. I've been telling him to ask you out _ forever.” _

_ “ _ Oh really?” Leo turned to  Light, who was blushing madly.

“Lucy, that's enough,” Light warned  cooly . His daughter took the hint and knocked it off.

She stood and cleared their plates. Light walked Leo to the door and Lucy couldn't help but sneak a peak as her father kissed him goodbye. _They’re so cute together, _she thought. When Light made his way back toward the kitchen she quickly made herself busy with the dishes again.

“I love you Noodle,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “I'm going to grab a shower. Maybe we can go to the park? It's a beautiful day.”

“Sounds good dad,” she said. Drying her hands as he bounced happily up the stairs, Lucy's phone went off with a phone call she'd been expecting. “Hello? Yes, hi. Yes. Ok, let me get something to write with,” Lucy walked briskly to her father's office. Surely _something_ was in there. She quickly found a pen but the man had no sticky notes. Even his printer was out of paper. _What the hell? _She started opening drawers, “Finally!” she said as she pulled a little black notebook from his drawer. “What the fuck is this?” She flipped it over, _Death Note? What the fuck? _“Can I call you back?” She hung up the phone without waiting for an answer and flipped through the pages. Skipping the rules, she froze as she looked at what was_ obviously_ her father's handwriting. It was list after list of criminals who’d died over the years at the hands of Kira. “He…never stopped.” She knew L suspected Light but he’d been vindicated. Right? “Dad, you weren't in on this, were you?”

“He was,” Light stood in the doorway, cursing himself for lazily leaving the notebook where it was so easily accessible.

Her wide, silver eyes met his, “You're Kira. You always have been.”

“Yes,” he said, his face unreadable.

Lucy couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Her entire life had been a lie. The man she loved as her father, trusted, was a _ murderer.  _ “How am I supposed to reconcile this?” she said as she began to cry, “I love you, but this…this…” she began sobbing and Light couldn't help but think she looked _ just _ like L that night on the roof when he was trying to reconcile the same things.

He stepped toward her and kneeled by her seat, “I knew you'd figure me out one day. You're too smart not to. I've been dreading this day , honestly. Afraid of what you'd say.”

She turned her tear stained face to him and saw pain there , sincerity,  _ fear.  _ He was afraid to lose her.  “ You should've told me.”

“I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lucy. _Please_ forgive me,” he begged.

She placed her head in her hands and took a deep breath. Placing her hands firmly on the desk, she stared at the Death Note as she spoke, “ You're still my father. I still love you. ” She finally looked at him again, “Dad joined you, didn't he?”

“Yes,” Light said slowly.

She sniffed, “Ok,” she swallowed hard, thinking, “I need time, dad. This is a shock. Not just a shock to know you're Kira, but to know you lied to me about something so big for so long. I know why you did it. I get it, I do. It just hurts.”

“I'm sorry,” Light wished he could take her pain, “I promise I'll never lie to you again.”

“Before you make that promise, do you have any other confessions you'd like to make?” She asked him, face serious.

He stared at her for a moment, unable to help himself, “I'm gay.”

She burst out laughing, all her anger, hurt, and worry dissipating with the hilarity of her father's perfect comedic timing.  Composing herself , she gave a devious little smile,  “You should kill that bitch Becky down the road.”

Light laughed, glad his daughter seemed to be coming around. He reached up and embraced her, relieved the air was finally clear between them. “Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. I'm glad this secret isn't between us anymore. I hate keeping things from you,” he said. Pulling away from her, he continued, “Now that you've touched the book, you'll be able to see the source of its power, a Shinigammi named Ryuk.”

“ This doesn't sound-,” she didn't get to finish her sentence because  Ryuk appeared and waved to her. She screamed, of course.

“ Don't be afraid of him. He's actually become quite a good friend of mine,” Light explained.

“Hiya kiddo. It's nice to finally meet you,”  Ryuk said awkwardly.

“H-hi,”  _ this is going to take some getting used to,  _ she thought.

The door bell rang throughout the house and Light and Lucy exchanged looks. “He’s here!” they both said simultaneously. 

“Hide the book, I'll get the door,” Light said.

She nodded and opened the drawer, stuffing it in. She took a couple books off the shelf behind her and stacked them on top of it, making a mental note to buy her father some damn paper while they were out.


	21. Long Live Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello tips off Light that Near is coming for him, but does he get to Light in time?

As time passed, Lucy not only accepted the Death Note and her father's work as Kira, but aspired to be like him. She saw the good in what he was doing, how it was changing the world for the better. He taught her about it, shared his plans with her, showed her how to use it. She was his protégé, and he couldn't have been  more proud of her.  She never wrote in it, however, feeling her time to use it had not come.

Whenever she was away at school, he walked his lonely halls alone and tried to fill his time by being as active as Kira as possible. Leo helped fill his time as well with love and hot sex, but Light felt he couldn’t let Leo all the way in. He was afraid of him not accepting him as Kira, and if that happened, he’d have to kill him. No, that wasn’t an acceptable outcome, so Light hid a part of himself from Leo, unable to share the burden with him as he desired.

It caused him to miss the level of intimacy he’d shared with L all the more. Over the years, more and more memories came back to him until his memory banks were complete, and he wasn’t missing a thing. All their adventures, all their love, all their time together was locked safely away in the recesses of his brilliant mind, where he visited them ritually, wishing for just one more day with him. Light often laid awake at night talking to L, pretending he was listening to him. He’d never stop hoping L’s ghost would just randomly show up one day.

Late  one night Light was musing as per usual when he received an alarming text from Mello: “Call me, man. As soon as you get this!”

Light jumped from his bed and dialed Mello. They spoke on a semi regular basis, and it was unusual for Mello to text him so late. “Mello, hey what’s-”

“Near is onto you, Light! Get out of the house NOW!” Mello sounded outright panicked.

_ But I’ve been careful,  _ Light thought.  _ Not careful enough, apparently.  _ "How long have I got?”

“I don’t know man. Minutes, if I had to guess.” Mello paused, “They’ve been ordered to shoot you on sight if you try to run or make a move to fight.”

“Fuck!” Light said, “Thank you Mello.”

“Light?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, brother.”

“I love you too.” With that, Light hung up and raced downstairs with little more than his wallet and his Death Note. He grabbed the keys to his car and raced outside. Near had always had it out for him. Near had always known Light was Kira, and he must’ve had some kind of proof to be going after him like this. Light knew Lucy was safe, however. Not only had she never written in it, but they made sure to only talk about it in their home and in person. There were no traceable records of her knowing anything.

Once outside, he could see head lights and hear sirens in the distance. The sound of a helicopter was overhead too. He was too late. “ Ryuk !” Light  shouted, panic stricken as he stood in his driveway.

“I’m here, Light-o!”  Ryuk appeared and flew like a bullet to Light’s side.

“Make sure Lucy gets this.” Light said as he handed the Death Note to the Shinigami.

“Ok, Light. I will,”  Ryuk said, almost sadly. He knew the time was approaching soon to write Light’s name down. He could see the slow countdown above his head in red. With a nod of his head, he was gone.

A strong wind began to swirl around him, and Light felt the air whipping around him. He looked up and saw the helicopter hovering low, a sniper at the ready to take him down. Police cars pulled up and slid to a stop several hundred feet before him.  Near’s voice echoed from a loud speaker on the helicopter, “Kira, we have you surrounded. Surrender now!”

“Not on your life,” Light said as he turned to run. He knew it was futile, that he wouldn’t get far. But he’d be damned if he was going to put his daughter through the hell of a trial and execution. No, if they wanted Kira, they were taking him dead.

He felt the searing pain and forceful throw to the ground before he heard the gunshot. The pain was unimaginable, knocking his breath from his lungs. He attempted to rise, but was gunned down again, this time with several bullets. Death would not come to him quickly, as all the bullets had missed vital organs. Instead, Light laid in a pool of his own blood, writhing in pain. He couldn’t speak, though he tried.

“Light,  sh , Light, it’s me,” A familiar voice sounded near him, almost as though it were in his ear. As his vision blurred, he thought he saw a figure walking toward him. It wasn’t an officer and it wasn’t Near.

“Eh, eh,” was all Light could breathe out. He was trying to say “L” but couldn’t. 

The pain vanished about as quickly as it had come, and it felt like warm arms were wrapping around him. Light felt like he was being lifted into the sky, but he couldn’t see anything. “Open your eyes,” the soft, soothing voice said. Gone were the sounds of the police cars and helicopter. Nothing but peaceful silence surrounded them now.

Light did as he was told, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the brightness around him. “L?” He asked, reaching out and running hands over that beautiful pale face he hadn’t seen in years. “Oh my God, L, it’s you!” Light began to sob as L held him. He’d dreamed of this moment every night for years.

“Yes, it’s me,” the voice whispered gently, holding him in a warm embrace as they seemingly floated in nothingness.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Light said through his tears.

“I’ve missed you too,” L said. “We never have to be apart again.”

Light cried all the harder for knowing that. He didn’t need to ask if he was dead; he knew. He didn’t know where he was or how he was floating, seemingly weightless in the air. All he cared about was being with L. It was the only thing that consumed his mind. He pushed his lips against L’s in a desperate kiss, and only in that moment did it all become real to him.

***

The moment  Ryuk appeared in her dorm, she knew her father was dead. With the grim reality setting in, she took the book from him. “It was uncle Near, wasn’t it?”  Ryuk simply nodded. She didn’t know why, but her uncle never liked her father. She wanted to cry, to scream, but now wasn’t the time for it, she thought. Now was the time to become Kira. She walked over to her tiny closet and pulled out her suitcase. She would go home and come up with a plan from there. As she placed the notebook in the bottom of the suitcase, she hesitated, then pulled it back out. “That bastard uncle of mine made one fatal error,” she said as she opened the book on the table, drawing a pen from the cup in its center. “He doesn’t know his dearest niece is Kira. I bet it didn’t even occur to him that sweet, innocent Lucy could even be Kira.” She scribbled “Nate River” in the book and closed it, putting it back in the suitcase. She’d exact her revenge one person at a time, but for now, they’d shake in fear realizing they hadn’t got Kira after all once their fearless leader fell to the ground, cold and lifeless. “Don’t they know hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Ryruk?” Her smile and growing giggle disturbed him. She was far more wicked than the original Kira, and he liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I had written a very different ending for this story, but I was completely unsatisfied with it. It just didn't feel right. So, when my computer decided to randomly lose the file, it was my chance to write the final scene from scratch. I hope you enjoyed this story. Let me know what you think about the conclusion!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you're interested in continuing!


End file.
